Living For Myself (Sequel)

Confession

The day was incredibly long and boring, but, then again, that's school. Sometimes I want to drop the hell out but then I realize that I have to pay the money back anyways... can I just go back to being in the hospital and actually be dead? No, no, that's really not good to think, but I'd prefer death right now. It's understandable why so many people are depressed after high school and in college because damn I want to drink some bleach.

Amateur, just bleach?

Oh don't you start you fucker. What, should it be bleach with fireball? Now that I think about it though, fireball does sound good. Fuck, I want to get drunk. I think I deserve it after almost dying twice. You know, what if I drunk call my mom later? To be honest, she'd probably disown me.

Do it.

Gee, thanks. I'm sure you would love that, wouldn't you?

Seeing you humiliate yourself in front of your mom, go into a state of depression, and probably try to kill yourself again? Oh yeah, I'm there for that. I say do it I mean no one is gonna miss you anyways.

Hm, when you put it like that... I'll get drunk after the call. So shut the hell up while I actually plan out when to get drunk... Man I'm insane for arguing with myself, but at least it's not as bad as it was before. Then again, I'm still happy from last night, so nothing will get me down today. It's already 7:15pm and I know that my mom at least goes to her neighbor's around 8ish, so I could go get alcohol myself... or ask Winter if she could possibly pick us up some so she can get wasted with me. Hm, decisions, decisions...

"Hello?" I immediately picked up the phone to call Winter with a snicker.

"Heyyyyyyyy... I need some alcohol for tonight. Could you maybe possibly go get some for us and I'll give you the money when you get back?" The other end went silent as I heard a quiet sigh.

"Yeah, sure, I was wanting some fireball anyways." She said.

"Man, fireball? This is why I love you!" I shouted, regretting it all immediately after I said it.

"Wait, what? You love me? Adelle are you—" I hung up the phone on her and took a deep breath.

Oh my fucking god, what did I just do? Holy shit stains, I'm screwed. I'm so screwed. I'm dead. What the hell did I just do? What the fuck is wrong with me? I said it. I said the word. I told her I loved her. Oh my fuck, I did it on an impulse, how could I be so careless? I'm going to cry, I'm literally going to curl up in a ball and die. Please someone shoot me, I'll pay you. I'm broke mostly, but I'll pay you.

Not long after, Winter began to call me back multiple times and blowing up my phone with questions about if I was serious or not. I couldn't bother answering her back and instead went to the store myself to buy some alcohol to drown my stupidity in.

Once done there, I hurried back to the dorm and entered the room with one 12-pack of mike's hard lemonade and a bottle of fireball. As soon as I entered the room though, Winter came up to me with a confused gaze.

"Well?" She questioned me, holding out her arms as she waited for me to respond.

"I got the alcohol...?" I said, playing stupid to what she was asking about. She took the alcohol from me and set it on the ground next to her before holding onto my shoulder.

"You know what I'm talking about, Adelle. Spill it, did you mean it?" She asked again, pushing me up against the door I had entered though. Her behavior started to scare me, so I stared blankly at her as I tried to apologize and say it was a joke. Winter realized how she was acting and let me go, backing away from me with an apologetic frown. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you... I just wanted to know if you were being serious about it..." Her voice quivered.

I looked at her, seeing how shifty and upset she was about getting slightly physical. Then, she began to cry slightly and blush. I wasn't sure, but it could be possible that she might feel the same as me, she could like me too. I sound so juvenile acting like this, but I had to be careful. This time though, this was the time to be honest.

"I did mean it." My voice shook as I said it. She looked up at me with dismay and shook her head, waving it off as a joke again. I closed the gap between us though and pulled her closer to me to hug her before kissing her forehead gently. "I do love you, Winter. I was being serious. I am serious." I told her as she remained silent and hugged me back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mean I just... I didn't... I don't... I'm not good with this stuff!" She cried out, pulling on my flannel. I smiled, holding her closer to me as I sighed.

"Don't apologize to me, I understand. You didn't do anything wrong, Winter. Everything is ok, alright?" She nodded in response before letting me go to pick up the alcohol again.

"So... how drunk are we getting? Just buzzed or completely fucked up?" She questioned me. I shrugged and followers her into the kitchen.

"Let's see how the call with my mom goes first, I have about five minutes before I do call her to see if we could talk," I said, popping open one of the bottles to drink, "if it goes bad, then we're getting completely plastered. If it goes ok or not bad, we're going to get moderately plastered." I laughed. She rolled her eyes, grabbing two shot glasses to pour fireball into them.

"You're going to need at least one of these." She responded. I nodded it, quickly downing the bottle of alcohol before chugging the fireball. It was time to call my mom now, so I pulled the phone out and dialed the neighbor's number.

"Hello? Who's this?" The voice asked me. I responded, telling them who I was and asked for my mom. Soon enough, her voice echoed in the background as she took the phone and answered.

"Yes, who's asking for me?" I chuckled quietly, cleaning my throat.

"Mom, it's Adelle..."