A Willowed Rose

Me

I am trying to understand what my mind is
A hallow abyss that turns violent
Cries out that are silent
What is depression
Depression - a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep. But that's not what it is
Imagine being so happy feeling the warm of the sun just to feel a cold harsh kiss ... afloat on a waterfall just to take a plunge into the deep dark depths
A struggle to breathe will being given all the air one needs
What Is bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder -
a mental condition marked by alternating periods of elation and depression. But that not what it is
Imagine waking up on half battery with no charger
Everything you love only drains you
Not being happy nor sad just living
Imagine being so drained you can barely keep your eyes open
Your bed becoming your prison
Those four walls being a cave you hide in
I suffer from both
Bipolar disorder and depression
It's like being stabbed to death without death
Everyday is a walk on hot Coal
Not knowing when the heat will turn up
One moment you're on clouds and the next your under water
Flying around the sun
Just to crash into it
Being scared of what your mind will come up with next
Don't get me started on trying to maintain a friendship / relationship it's like trying to keep a wild crocodile as a pet
Only you get hurt in the process
Falling under the context of
"I'm a burden"
"They'll get tired"
"They'll leave"
"Everyone always leaves"
"They don't actually care"
"I'm to much to deal with"
Not wanting any emotional connection because of the pain and hurt that'll follow
Joji said it best " I live in a constant state of fear and misery"
And it's true scared to move but tired of it
My mind is like a cage
I have the key to get
But "do I really want to get out?"
"Do I really want happiness?"
"Do I really want love?"
Yes !
But what will I sacrifice for it
My sanity ?
My love ?
My joy ?
My smile ?
"My self ?"

A new poem called addiction coming soon.