A Willowed Rose

The games you play

You know every right word
To mislead me
Manipulation
And I'm the new pawn
Could you believe it ?
He said "I love you"
Of course I believed it
Gave me a kiss
And all the bad receded
A "one" night stand
That's all he needed
Told me he didn't know me
And I couldn't believe it
Stopped communication for weeks
And I couldn't handle it
Shot me a text
And I immediately read it
"I'm sorry I do care about you"
This guy , sad but I believed it
His hug didn't feel the same
But I didn't pay attention to it
I was back in his arms
That's all I needed
"I'm not yours"
The very next day
He got what he needed
Back out into the cold
My sanity receeding
A couple days go by
No text
Calls
And I'm not sleeping
He's happy and I'm dying
A TEXT
And it reads
"We can continue this ... but in secret"
And as you know
I accepted the deal
So tired and weak
Didn't believe his love was ever real
He knew all I wanted was him
And that became a short fire deal
He told me "he never wanted to be with me"
What was his deal ?
I ended up in the hospital that day
My mom with the same disappointed face
I didn't feel bad
I didn't remember much of anything
Supposedly I had what gamers call a "spartan rage" had a computer
Blacked out and smashed it
They asked me what caused it
I didn't tell them it was you
It had no purpose
Went home that day and got a text from you
It read
"I'm sorry"
I knew it was too good to be true
But I went with it
A couple happy memories down the line
And your torched it
"Just be my friend , that's all your getting ... I love her"
I remember that day like it was yesterday
Slit my wrists
Drunk a bottle of gin
And took a bath
Woke up the next day
In my bed
Cold and naked
I'm no longer a product of my own making
He walked passed me in school
Like we never communicated
His laugh a piercing pain
But I need It
I smile like I was okay
No more sanity left
I go insane
At the snap of his fingers
I'm either insane or sane
I hate to love this game I now know he played
We walked from school one day
He grabbed me by the neck and gave me a kiss
I was in pure bliss
I said but you moved on
His reply was "no I haven't"
I could sense the anger
Inside him
I knew I had pissed him
As I sat in my room
A text message appeared
"You two aren't going to be together"
I descended quickly into a dark abyss
Broke everything in my room
I went to the bathroom
Looked in the mirror
And slit where his hands where missed
I've never felt this sort of enraged madness
Took a couple of pills and in the tub I sit
Only thing on my mind
Is all the times I'd wish
Wish I could just hold him
Wish I could give him one last kiss
I woke up the next day
In my bed
Naked cold and in pain
It was my brothers birthday
I had to put on a happy face
Spent the day making him happy
When all I wanted to do was die
Got a message saying
"Come over"
A crooked smiled appeared
I rushed over
Knowing the same shit would just appear
He touch the deep scars on my neck
And a smile appeared
"What happened to you"
Those words made my heart turn blue
To tired
To emotionally drained
To fight it
His voice didn't sound the same
I knew he was draining me
But who am I to fight it
In and instant I could go from happy to hurting my self
There was no blockage beside it
I was the new pawn in his game
Could you believe it ?
A game we once played
And I couldn't believe it