Just You and I

Chapter 20

I'll be honest, it wasn't what I expected it to feel like.

And I expected butterflies or stomach melting. Or at the very least I expected myself to reciprocate. But I didn't. Instead I pushed him away.

"What was..."

"I told you I'd kiss you."

He just looked at me for a few seconds before turning away, shifting away from me and sighing.

"I just... If it really wasn't obvious already, I really really like you Jake. And obviously you didn't even know I existed until a few days ago but I've had a crush on you since Middle School. And you have no idea how hard it's been...."

Is that what he meant when he told me he knew what it felt like to not be able to tell everyone about liking boys...? Wait but... Since middle school..??

"You probably don't remember this, but one day in gym class I was getting picked on by an older kid. And the second I was pushed onto the ground, you ran towards us with a basketball in hand and you smashed the ball in that kid's face. You accidentally broke his nose by doing so too."

I couldn't help but laugh slightly." I really did that?"

He nodded. He seemed completely out of his mind. Like he was struggling to relive the past.

"That was the first day I met you, and it was the first time I ever fell in love..."

I eyes instantly caught his gaze. "I was your first crush...?"

"Yup. And boy was that a CRUSH. Almost four years now and sometimes I honestly hate that I could never get over you."

"I'm sorry..."

"But that day," he continued "When I heard you tell your ex that you actually liked a guy... I felt like the world was actually giving me a chance. A chance to finally be with you. It gave me courage to ever come up to you in the first place. I know for a fact that if I didn't overhear you that day I would've never approached you. And this would've never happened...."

I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable when he mentioned us kissing again. I hated that I was being weird like this after it.

Jordan sighed again.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable or anything,"

Was I making it that obvious..?

"I just.... I really just wanted you to like me. As much as you like Alex."

And now he just maddest ten times more uncomfortable. He really shouldn't have brought up Alex.

He could probably see notice the change in my mood at the mention of Alex's name, so he ever-so-slightly moved up a little closer towards me.

"I see the way he treats you Jake. And it hurts me so much to see you go through things because of him. I know it's not my place, but if I have to say, he's not good enough for you. You deserve so much more. And I'm sorry if I've completely ruined even a chance of being friends after this... but I really REALLY wanted to be someone you deserve. I wanted to try making you forget about Alex... to forget about everything he's done to you.... And maybe to start relying on me....?"

Jordan's eyes were now on me again. I could see the hope and pleas in his eyes.

But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say to him without hurting him. I would never, EVER, do what I did to Kathy again and date Jordan just to forget about Alex. But I could never truly give my heart to Jordan because I couldn't forget about Alex.