Speared My Heart

Taking It Slow

He half smiled and caressed my cheek. He was being so sweet and I wanted so much to go back to the way it was, but I was so afraid that this was too good to be true. I couldn't trust him and I wanted to so badly. We sat and just looked at each other. He reached out and took my hand and smiled. It was taking everything in me to show restraint. I couldn't just let him waltz back in like nothing had happened. There were so many things running through my head. He betrayed me, Britani betrayed me, Jon betrayed me and they all turned my world upside down.

"Kyla?"

I looked up

"What are you thinking about?"

"Honestly?" 

He nodded

"That as much as I want to I can't trust you and that the way you're acting towards me right now is the way you were acting at the gala before you went to Saraya. I feel like right now you're just trying to lure me into a false sense of security."

He dropped his eyes and nodded. He asked me to be honest with him. I felt bad because I know that what I said hurt his feelings, but this was nothing compared to what he's done to me.

"I don't expect you to forgive me Kyla. I know I fucked up something that was completely perfect and amazing. I know I completely betrayed your trust, used you, and broke your heart. It kills me that I created all of this. I just wish you knew how sorry I really am."

I looked down and he was still holding my hand. I half smiled and sighed. I crossed my legs in front of me and scooted a little closer to him and let go of his hand and pulled away. He sighed and put his hands on his lap. I reached up and caressed his cheek, sat up on my knees and kissed his cheek. He gave a slight smile and I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. His arms wrapped around my waist and hugged me tight. I pulled back and rested my forehead on his

"Kyla I'm sorry"

"Stop apologizing please. I know you're sorry and I'm doing my best to accept the apology OK. I need time and we need to go slow. I need to be able to trust you again and that isn't going to happen sitting here for an hour 4 days after everything that's happened.  Joe I love you. These have been the worst four days of my life and all I want is go to back to where we were before all of this started. Back to where you loved only me and I felt on top of the world. Where I didn't want to cry every night because you were being so mean and distant. You realize that this is the most contact we've had with each other in the last month?  I love you so much and being with you is all I want."

I sat back and quickly wiped away the tears that had escaped. He glanced up at me and got off of the bed and started to walk away. My eyes got wide and the tears flowed in a steady stream. What I said didn't matter. Even after saying I was going take him back...he was still going to walk away. I laid back down on the bed and as I was going to bury my face when I glanced up and he was standing in front of me holding out his hand. I reluctantly took it as he pulled me up to stand before him. He was so much taller than me. I almost wanted to stand on the bed so we'd be at eye level.  He stood there staring at me causing me to blush and look down. He smirked and gently lifted my head

"So shy"

I blushed again as he leaned in and kissed me and wrapped his arms around me. I wanted to go slow, but his kiss was always a weakness for me. He pulled me closer and licked my bottom lip. I obliged as our tongues fought for dominance. His hands roamed under my shirt as I worked on the button of his pants. This was not what I had in mind at all, but I wasn't going to fight it either. I hated that something like this was used as a way to "fix" everything. My shirt came off as I laid back on the bed. He ran his hand across my body and found it's way between my legs. I moaned and clawed at his back as he slowly stroked

"There?"

I cried out and nodded as he found the right spot. He kissed my neck  as I gripped his shoulders about to finish when he stopped

"Please don't stop" I begged

He smirked and climbed on top and thrust inside pinning my hands above me. We moved in a steady rhythm as we finished. He kissed me again and laid back on the bed. I cuddled up to him and laid my head on his chest. This was so frustrating because this was not taking things slow...this was moving right into make up sex and it's not what I wanted.

"I thought we were taking things slow"

"You're complaining?"

"Not exactly...I just didn't want to jump from 'I'm sorry' to this"

"I'm sorry...I just couldn't help myself"

"It's fine I guess"

"I love you Kyla. I promise that I only love you"

I half smiled "I love you too."

He wrapped his arms around me and all of the comforting, safe, warm, happy feelings came flooding back. This better not be a lie I thought to myself as I slowly drifted off to sleep