Speared My Heart

On the Road

But I'm in love with you Kyla

The very thought of hearing that made me incredibly sick to my stomach. It played over and over in my head as I stared out the window. I love Joe...I love Joe...I love Joe...Joe is my life... Why does it sound like I'm trying to convince myself that? I rubbed my temples and sighed. I felt a hand on my thigh and I looked over and saw Joe had moved to the middle seat and was looking at me concerned. I smiled and cuddled close to him and kissed his cheek. He put his arm around me and rested his cheek on my head and I laid my head on his shoulder. This was where I belonged. I felt it when he held me like this. If he made me feel this way then why the hell did I sleep with Phil?  All kinds of thoughts raced through my head and I couldn't make heads or tails of any of it. I was so confused. What have I done?

"Hey Ky...I'm curious...so while we were overseas there was this rumor circulating the locker room ..."

He didn't even have to finish and to be honest I tuned it all out after hearing the first part. I felt the tears welling up and fall like rain. I had such horrible, overwhelming guilt that I couldn't hide it anymore even if I wanted to. A few tears landed on Joe's arm and I felt him lift his head to look at me

"Why are you crying Kyla? What's wrong?"

I sat up and pulled away and went as far as I could towards the door, bent forward with my face in my hands and sobbed. I felt the car stop and I realized that Colby had pulled over. Joe was rubbing my back and I felt him try to pull me to him

"Come here"

I shook my head "It was me." I mumbled in barely a whisper

"What'd you say Kyla?"

"It was me"

"What was you?"

I didn't want to have to say it again. It was hard enough to get those words out. I started crying harder and I heard Jon mutter

"Kyla what have you done?"

I knew he figured it out.

"The rumor is about you isn't it? It's not even a rumor...it's true...are you kidding me Kyla?  Seriously? After all the hell you put me through for Saraya this is what you turn around and do to me?"

"I'm sorry" I whispered between sobs

"You think that sorry fixes this? 

I shook my head. I knew very well that sorry meant nothing in this situation. I felt him move away from me and the car door open

"Switch seats with me Jon"

They switched seats and I looked over to see Jon sitting in the middle seat next to me. He rested his hand on my back and leaned forward and whispered in my ear

"It'll be OK Kyla."

I laid my head on his lap and cried myself to sleep

Joe's POV:

I looked back for a quick glance and sighed in frustration. How could she be so stupid?

Jon: "It was a mistake you know. She obviously felt guilty enough to tell you. All things considered I think you owe it to her to forgive her considering she forgave you so easily for what you did.  Look we all know Phil has been trying to get at her since she was pulled up to the main roster."

"How could she be so stupid. She bought right into it..."

"She's naive...we're talking about Kyla. You know better than anyone what that means"

Colby: "I think you should at least hear her out when you're both ready to talk about it."

"Yeah...maybe"

"Maybe? Are you trying to tell me that you can't forgive her, but it's alright for her to forgive you? WOW...that's really fucked up."

"Well, I'm not as forgiving. It's not my fault she was stupid and took me back. I didn't deserve it and to be honest neither does she"

Jon: "Do you hear yourself at all right now?  I think we all just need to stop talking about it and let you both calm down."

"Hey lucky you Jon! You get to room with her tonight. Maybe she'll sleep with you too"

"Knock it off. You didn't have to make that comment"

Kyla's POV:

There was a gentle shake on my shoulder as my eyes opened and I saw that we had arrived at the hotel. I sat up and looked over at Jon who gave me a reassuring hug and sympathetic look. I half smiled and got out of the car. I took my bags and ran my way to Joe. I knew it was a total long shot, but I decided to try anyway. I took his hand and laced my fingers with his and rested my head on his arm. He sighed deeply and squeezed my hand a little, nudged my head off of his arm and let go of my hand and walked away. It wasn't completely horrible, but he was mad and had every right to be.

I got my room key and went upstairs. There was only one bed, but I guess there would be since I was technically supposed to be rooming with Joe. I was the only one in here but that made sense too. I went into the bathroom and changed into my pajamas and sat on the floor against the bathtub and pulled my knees to my chest. I heard a bag drop on the floor and I sighed. I didn't feel like getting up to see who it was or wasn't. There was a polite knock on the door and Jon poked his head in. I half smiled and he smiled back and sat down next to me

"Sorry Kyla"

"Not your fault. I'm the one who screwed up."

He put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder  "He's just mad. Give him some time to cool down. I don't think this is as bad as it seems right now."

I nodded

"You can take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch OK"

"You sure? Or you don't trust me?"

"Ha Ha Kyla. Honestly I'd rather not sleep on the couch, but I don't want to make it all awkward for you."

I rolled my eyes "Just take the bed. I'm used to sleeping on couches. Believe me it'll be fine."