Speared My Heart

Seeing You

I sat on the little table waiting for the doctor to come in. My eye was still very blurry, but it didn't go back to being dark anymore. I was anxious, excited, nervous and overwhelmed all wrapped into one. I started wringing my hands and Jon came over and held them both and softly kissed me

"Kyla relax."

"I'm trying. What if I'm imagining things? What if I'm only seeing what I want to see?"

"What color is the shirt I'm wearing?"

"Red?"

"Are you imagining that or am I really wearing a red shirt?"

I laughed "I don't know. Are you?"

"Yes I am."

I smiled as there was a knock on the door and the doctor came in. He sat down and started typing away on his computer. Jon stepped aside and held my hand. It felt like it was taking forever for the doctor to come over and at least look. Jon let go of my hand and gave me a hug and held me tight. I sighed and settled into his chest. There was something about the way he held me that made me know that everything was going to be alright. I always felt love and peace and comfort in his hugs.  I always felt amazing in Joe's arms, but it was never like this. I knew no matter what at all times that Jon loved me and I loved that feeling.  The doctor finally rolled his chair over to me and Jon let go and stood beside me

"OK Kyla so I hear that you are able to see more clearly out of your left eye."

I nodded and he began shining light in my eye. I pulled back a little and started to squint. It felt so bright and it irritated my eye.

"Your eye sensitive to the light?"

I nodded "It seems too bright."

"Follow the pen"

I could finally do it. I was so excited. He ran a bunch of other tests and went back to his computer.

"I love you" was whispered in my ear.

I smiled and anxiously waited to hear what the doctor had to say.

"Well, Kyla it looks like you are slowly starting to regain some of your sight back. I can't guarantee it'll come back fully, but I think over time you should see more improvement. When you first came here 2 months after the surgery and there was little to no improvement beyond being able to see shadows it looked like you were stuck with that permanent damage."

"So you're saying it will get better?  Will she be able to regain something in both eyes or just the one?"

"Well, it's hard to say. I'm guessing that she'll end up with full vision in the left. The right eye is the one that was completely torn. It's hard to say. She hasn't had any real vision improvement on the right so far, but I said that about both eyes three months ago and now we're talking about possible full vision in one. SO it's really just up to how her body chooses to respond to everything. I think you can celebrate the small milestones and see what happens in a year."

He left the room and I threw my arms around Jon. He squeezed me tight and I let go and smiled. He grabbed my face and grinned from ear to ear

"I told you Ky"  He kissed me "I knew you'd be able to see one day"

"I know you blame yourself for what's happened.  It wasn't your fault you know. I don't blame you. I never blamed you. It was my own fault. I should've listened to you that day, but I didn't. I just wanted you to know that."

"Thanks." He half smiled "Ky I'm just glad you're OK and that things are getting better. You know once your vision comes back I understand if you want to go back to Joe."

I gave him a funny look "Why would I do that?"

"Because I know that deep down you both still love each other and that the only reason you're not together is because of the accident."

The tears started to form and I looked at him in disbelief.

"you don't love me? You don't want to be with me? Is that what you're saying?"

"I'm not saying that at all Kyla. I'm just saying..."

I burst into tears and jumped off of the table and ran out of the room. I ran my hand along the wall and reached a door for the stairs. I went down the stairs gripping the rail tight as I went down. I stopped on one of the platforms between floors and made my way to the corner and slid down the wall and sobbed.

Jon's POV

I should never have said anything. I just wanted to let her know that I understood...stupid thing to even bring up in the first place. I asked around and somehow no one saw her. How do you not see a visibly upset blind girl running down the hall? I went to all of the floors and couldn't find her. I was starting to panic and stopped in one of the hallways next to the stairs. I opened the door...there's no way...I went in anyway and started walking down. I  reached the platform between the second and third floor and found her sitting against the wall, crying. I knelt down in front of her and pulled her to me

"Kyla I never said I didn't want to be with you anymore. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. I love you Ky. You have to know how much I love you."

"Why do you think I'd leave? Why would I leave you? I love you so much. You still see me as Kyla. You've been so important to me. I was in love with you long before I went blind I just didn't want to admit it. Please don't leave me. Why does everyone always want to leave me?!?"

"I won't leave you Kyla. I'm sorry for what I said. Please don't cry anymore."

I repositioned so I was sitting against the wall and held her close. I feel like such an asshole. I don't even know why I bothered to think about it let alone say it. Part of me just wonders what would happen if Joe did find out that she might see again. I know how she can be and I worry that she'll just go right back to him if he says and does all the right things to convince her. I looked down and she had stopped crying. I sat her up and tucked her hair behind her ear and gently kissed her. She half smiled at me and looked down again.

"Kyla. Sweetheart please don't be sad. I won't ever leave you. I promise. I don't like when my Ky is sad. I want you to be happy so I can see your beautiful smile. This is supposed to be a happy day and I ruined it by opening my big mouth. Can you forgive me?"

She looked up and nodded slowly.

"I love you" she quietly mumbled

"I love you too Kyla. Please don't ever forget that."