I would die for you, but I won't live for you -Niall Horan au

seventeen

I’d say we had been here for a few hours, but who knows? I lost track of the time the minute we walked in and started drinking. I wasn’t sure how much I had to drink, but I don’t think was drunk. I took a sip of the drink I was currently working on and looked around.

Louis and Eleanor were at the bar ordering drinks, Liam, Zayn and Niall were doing the inbetweeners dance, and Riley was probably off talking to some boys. “Why are you alone?” A husky voice said. I looked up and saw Harry. I smiled and grabbed his hand. “Haarold… I wanna dance.” I giggled. I stood up and pulled him to the dance floor.

I knew he had a lot to drink so he was probably drunk. I turned my back to him and started dancing. I felt his hands wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. I wasn’t sure why, but I started grinding against him. I looked up and saw Niall walking up to a girl with short brown hair.

She had on the shortest dress I had ever seen. The girl threw her arms around Niall and he hugged her back. I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart. Why? I wasn’t sure. I may not be in love with him anymore, but there would always be that jealousy right?

“Are you alright?” Harry asked in my ear. I nodded and watched Niall’s eyes roam around the sea of people until they landed on me. He smiled, said something to the girl, and started making his way over to me. When he noticed Harry and I dancing together, he looked very confused.

I turned to Harry, about to tell him that I needed to talk to Niall but I had no time. Harry’s lips crushed mine and I could easily taste the alcohol on them. I won’t ever know why, but I kissed him back. The kiss was urgent and rough, like Nick’s were. Maybe it was because he was drunk. And maybe I was drunk too, because I would never kiss somebody when I had feelings for someone else.

Wait, feelings for somebody else? I couldn’t be talking about Niall could I? Well fuck, of course I was. I knew I was still in love with him but I just chose to deny it. And here I was, kissing Harry. I pulled away from him and looked around. Niall wasn’t where he had been before; he was now at the bar with Riley.

He said something to her and she nodded and watched him walk away. I made my way to Riley and sat where Niall had just been sitting. “Where’s Niall going?” I asked, slurring my words a bit. “He said he was tired so he went home.” Riley shrugged. I was surprised, she didn’t sound drunk at all.

“How are you sober…” I mumbled. Usually she loved to drink. We both did, but I wasn’t used to her being sober. “Don’t need to drink to have fun at a club!” She smiled. I looked at her, trying to hold in my laugh. When I couldn’t, she rolled her eyes and laughed with me. “I have to drive home.” She pouted.

I knew there was a reason.

After another hour or two, we all decided that it was time to go home. I was getting tired and just wanted to be in bed. Riley drove Louis, Zayn and Eleanor home while Liam drove Harry and I. When we got back, I didn’t talk to anybody. I ran straight up to my room, put pajama’s on, and jumped in bed.

I was ready for sleep to take over but it never did. And I knew why. It was because he wasn’t with me, and his arm wasn’t wrapped around me. I considered going to find him until I heard my door open.

There was that same shuffling around I always heard until he got into bed beside me. I smiled and got comfortable under the blankets. It wasn’t long before his arm went around my waist. Maybe he didn’t see the kiss was Harry. His arm around me didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right lying beside him right now. Maybe it was the guilt.

“Goodnight Payton.”

Or maybe it didn’t feel right because it wasn’t Niall at all. “Harry?” What are you doing here?” I asked. And where was Niall? “Nialler took my bed, and I had no where else to sleep.” Harry explained.

It stayed quiet for a while until I heard Harry’s faint snores. There was no way I could sleep now. It wasn’t Niall who had his arm wrapped around me so how could I? Of course he saw Harry and I kiss. I was stupid to think that he didn’t. But why would he avoid me because of that?

Maybe he was jealous?

Yeah right. There was no way Niall would be jealous of a boy kissing me. He probably just wanted me and Harry to have some alone time cause he probably thought I liked him.

But I didn’t.

I had to talk to Niall as soon as possible and straighten some things out. And fast.

~*~

I was up all night so I wasn’t surprised when I woke up at two-thirty in the afternoon. “Wow. And I thought I liked to sleep.” I looked over and saw Riley sitting on the chair that was in the corner of my room. She had her legs crossed under her and was writing something in the journal Harry had bought her.

Now that I thought about it that was probably the only nice thing he had ever done for her. “What are you doing?” I yawned. She closed the journal and put in on the floor. “So, you’re in love with Niall.” She began. I rolled my eyes. Yes I was still in love with him, but I didn’t want her to have the satisfaction of being right.

Before I could open my mouth, she continued. “You kept saying it in your sleep.” This could not be happening. “Listen Ri, I just realized last night that I am still in love with him so I-”

“You’re what?” She looked shocked. Her jaw was dropped and her eyes were wide. “I never said I loved her in my sleep did I?” I sighed. She shook her head and grinned. Well fuck. “Okay, so I still love him. What’s your point?”

“Well, I didn’t come to find out if you still loved him, but I guess I’m killing two birds with one stone.” She said. Riley got up from the chair she was sitting in and jumped in my bed.

“Then why are you here?” I asked. She looked me dead in the eyes and I knew she was serious. “What happened between you and Niall last night? I saw him walking towards you then next thing I knew he was coming up to me all sad. He even asked to sleep in my room.” I groaned and threw my covers over my head.

“Oh hey! You’re up!”