hard to love (a bellarke fanfiction)

chapter twelve- b.b

// Laying on my back, staring at the ceiling, my hands behind my head, in my bed.
My bedroom door slowly opens, and I groan," Fucking knock, you-" I stop talking, peering up and seeing Clarke. She hesitates to walk in. " I'm so sorry, I thought you were..."

She laughs and walks in, shutting the door behind her. She sits next to me and smiles," It's alright. Miller let me in. Sorry, I should've called or texted."

I shake my head and sit up. I casually sniff myself, damn, Bellamy, shower more often.

" You can come over whenever, don't apologize."

She laughs and looks at her hands," Okay."

I move closer to her, and ask," So, what's up?"

" I can't memorize the poetic devices. The latin ones?" She says, peering at me with the most beautiful eyes.

" Let me see." I say. She rustles through her bag, and then drops it on the floor. I love how comfortable she seems to be in here, or around me.

I crave to just pull her chin to meet my face and softly press my lips to hers. If I could just show her, show her I could make her happy.

Seeing her last night...with Finn, sets in the reality, I'll never have that with her. A kiss in the rain.

She hands me the index cards she made, and blushes. She does that a lot, I try to stop myself but staring at her, is just an easy way to feel close to her.
Clarke pokes my shoulder in a playful way," Wake up, I need to pass, I need your help." She pleads.

She needs me.

I push away any more intimate and emotion thoughts of her, and check out the index cards. I laugh," I don't know these."

" I know, I know. Just give me the word, and I'll recite the definition."

I shrug," Alright. Let's get coffee."

She lays back," No, I need to focus. Bellamy, please."

" You won't be able to focus with the loud music Miller will play, or with the smell of alcohol in here." Just then, her stomach growls. We both laugh and she holds her stomach with her hands. I continue," Or on an empty stomach, Clarke."

She hides her face, then sits up," Okay, coffee and breakfast."

" Breakfast?" I ask.

She picks up my hand, and shows me my watch," It's eight-thirty, Bellamy."

I nod," I never went to bed." We stand up and leave my room.

She looks at me, concerned," Why not?"

" I couldn't fall asleep. Too drunk, and too much thinking."

" Stop drinking so much. It's not good for you. You need, you need a distraction." She perks up as the lightbulb lights up in her head. I laugh, damn, she's making this whole 'friend' thing hard.

I ask," What do you suggest?"

" Join a sport. Go to the gym. Get a hobby."

" I've never been the athletic or gym type."

She gasps and looks at me. Her eyebrow lifts up," You're saying, you don't lift weights? How is this possible?" She punches my arm.

I laugh," I lift, I just don't often."

" That could be your stress reliever, or distraction."

" I'd much rather just meet some girl and-"

"-Bellamy." She says, annoyed.

" Sorry." I respond. Bad attempt to make her jealous. Don't be a dick, Bellamy.

She says," What sports are you good at?"

" None."

She rolls her eyes," I'm trying to help you."

The only way she can help, is to let me in. And fall for me back.

*** A/N

Short update please don't be annoyed, I think it's cute (:

& OMG THE MIDSEASON FINALE TODAY WAS INSANE (if you watch the show) I LITERALLY WANTED TO CRY SO GOOD