hard to love (a bellarke fanfiction)

chapter twenty-three- c.g.

// Walking through the aisles of Home Goods with Bellamy, was definitely an experience.
Arguing about different decorations and room themes, was actually a lot nicer than it sounds. We were obviously friendly and not full blown fighting, but it was a great time.

No, I'm not yet inlove with him, but even if I was, I wouldn't admit it to myself. Falling for him puts me in the spot where I can be vulnerable, and that means getting hurt.

-

I open my eyes, and look at the beautiful figure next to me. Sound asleep, his chest rises with each breathe.

" Goodmorning." He mumbles in a raspy morning voice.

I smile, laying my chin on top of his chest. " Goodmorning." I respond in a whisper.

His arms wrap around me," You're still here.."

I laugh," Yeah? Is it too soon for me to spend the night here?"

He laughs and shakes his head," Not my point, today is your first day. I figured you would have left already?"

I grab his hand and read the watch. " Oh shit." I say, scrambling to get up. I take off Bellamy's blue button up shirt that I wore to bed and change into the clothes I was wearing yesterday.

" You don't have time to go back to your dorm."

I place my hand on my head," Oh! I bought clothes yesterday, I'll wear those today."

He laughs," Never have I ever seen Clarke Griffin so unorganized."

" Take a picture, this doesn't happen often."

I walk to him and kiss him on the lips," I'll call you later."

" I'll take you out for lunch?" He suggests.

I smile," Sounds good." I head into the bathroom, brushing my hair out quickly. " I don't have a toothbrush!"

I hear him get up, and he walks in. He picks up something from under the sink, placing it in my hand.

He smiles," I was hoping this would come in need one day."

I smile and start brushing my teeth. He wraps his arms around my waist," Maybe some day we can have a sick day. Stay home and just chill."

" No, I can't be taking sick days with a new job."

He starts kissing up and down my neck, and I force myself to push him off. " No repeats of last night. I need to leave." I kiss him once more," Okay, call me later for lunch."

" Alright." He says as we walk to the door. He holds it open for me and I walk out.

I have deodorant, perfume, and makeup in my car, for emergencies like this. If I'm going to be staying at Bellamy's over night like this, I should keep some things there.
But I'm also hesitant to, because it's his "man cave", as he called it yesterday. He'd probably want to break up with me if he realized how much work having a girlfriend is, if I leave something out one day, or if I need him to buy some feminine products etc.
It's stupid to worry, but I can't help it.

-

Walking into a small lowkey restraunt for lunch, I completely just want to wrap my arms around Bellamy and sleep. Never have I ever typed so much and dealt with so many books/piles of paper at once.
Bellamy texted me the address to this place, and although I'm ten minutes late, I found it with success.

He stands up from the table as I approach, and I wrap my arms around his neck, burying my head in the crook of his neck. He laughs and hugs my waist. " You okay?" He asks.

" Yes." I say with a laugh.

We sit down and order some lunch, and I tell him all about my day so far. I've started to grow onto the little glances he gives me, and the way he smiles when I stutter or say something wrong, and I love the way his eyes get brighter when I say his name.

I'm not in love.

-

I lay awake that night, Bellamy's arms holding me tight and keeping me warm. But all I can think about is this. Him and I, sleeping together, in the innocent but still responsibly intimate way. I've never been this close to someone before, and I know he hasn't either. We both have grown so close since when we first met only a couple months ago.
I sigh to myself and I nod, knowing what I tried to steer clear of.

" Bellamy...?" I whisper, rolling over to face him.

" Mhm?" He mumbles, half-awake.

" I love you." I close my eyes and nuzzle my head under his. I breathe deeply then fall asleep.

*** A/N
hey don't get too excited, bellamy's pov next (tomorrow just you wait kiddos)

I was going to wait to post, but ya know I was feeling a double update today & because ily

she's in love, she's in love, she's in loooooove

Hey spread this book around to your friends, your family, your pets, your neighbors, your cashiers and everyone you know so we can blast those reads + votes for new years (goals!)

ILY ILY ILY
X O
GOODNIGHT