To Make Amends • Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo x reader

• Chapter 4 •

It was a strange moment, because for a minute while he reached his hand towards me it was like the tension that was there before was gone. I took his hand and he helped me up. Ugh I feel so dumb. I brushed off my clothes and stood up straight.

"Sorry Master Ren, I was just taking a walk and I got lost, this place is like a goddamned maze" I laughed. He smiled slightly. Did I just make Kylo Ren smile. "Wait, was that a smile?" I said looking up at his face.

He cleared his throat and tensed up again, clenching his fists. "Yes, and what of it?" he said as he began to walk.

"Well i'm sorry I was just unaware of the fact that Mr. Serious Bad Guy was even capable of smiling." Oh i've said too much again, why can't I just keep my mouth shut. Well if I die don't forget me. I thought to myself realising once again that this man is a murderer and pretty scary even if he had said that he didn't plan on hurting me.

He completely ignored what I said, "I'll take you to your quarters as they are next to mine. This place is large but still, don't let this happen again."

He was back completely to his cold voice. It's like he was actually a person in the moment he smiled, but now he was back to being an emotionless robot. I've a feeling this man is going to be confusing. He looked back at me after I had that thought, i'd swear sometimes he can read my mind.

I was finding it quite hard to keep up with Ren. Why is he walking so fast, I can't keep up with him. I was practically running after him. I wondered if I should make small talk. Eh it's worth a try.

"Sooo...Any news lately?" I asked still trying to keep up.

"Small talk is pointless and meaningless" he replied still facing forward. Why does everyone do that, do people not know how to make eye contact here or something.

"I was just being nice, it's the little things in life, you know?" I said.

He turned his head slightly, "Little things?" he looked confused.

"Yeah, not everyone appreciates them but when your going from planet to planet alone, you tend to enjoy the little things" I said, realising that I was having a normal conversation with Kylo Ren. It felt so weird. I continued because of his silence. "You know like getting a moment of peace for yourself, seeing someone smile, eating something you like or anything that makes you happy."

"I see." He replied. "I like my lightsaber" he said as he slowed his walking pace slightly. His voice wasn't as robotic as usual.

I laughed and he looked at me angrily. "Sorry I just, didn't think you liked anything."

"We're here, training is 6am sharp tomorrow morning. LK-2405 will take you to the training room. Rest well." He said, his cold voice returning once again.

"Goooodnight Master Ren" I said walking towards my door.  "Goodnight Katia"

"Goodnight Miss (Y/n)" she replied standing in the same position as when I left.

I walked into my room, and basically got into bed straight away. I was really tired, a lot happened today. As I was lying in bed I still couldn't believe what I was doing and what was happening. I tend to think a lot an overthink when I'm going to bed. I was also thinking about how complex Kylo Ren must be. I don't know too much about him. I do know that he wasn't always Kylo Ren, he was Ben Solo, Leia's son. She constantly missed him. She had also talked of how Ben was still there, deep within Kylo Ren. I never really believed her because things I heard about Kylo, but maybe I shouldn't have dismissed the idea of it so quickly. I mean Ren is still quite a scary and dangerous character but when he reached out his hand to pull me up from the ground it didn't seem like it. I really don't know how to feel about him right now...I fell asleep.

I woke up to an alarm that I don't even remember setting which was weird. It was 5:30am. Why does training have to be so early. I hesitantly got out of my bed. I went into the little bathroom and had a quick shower. I knew I didn't have time to dry my hair so I just left it wet. I made my bed got changed and it was already 5:56am. I hurried to the door.

"Good morning, could you take me to the training room. I'm supposed to be there at 6am." I said to Katia walking out of my room.

"Yes Miss (Y/n). We must be quick if you want to be on time"she replied.

I followed her to the training room with a quick pace. "We have arrived Miss (Y/n)" I looked at my watch. 6:03am...not too bad. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Ren was stood there in a sweater and pants, no mask or gloves just his lightsaber in hand. He looked like, how Leia had described Ben, minus the Red saber. I knew today was going to be hard, especially with my arm still slightly sore, but i'd be able to push through.

"Your late..." Ren said staring at me.

"Yeah, by like 3 minutes." I retorted.

"I said 6am sharp, be here on time tomorrow" he said coldly. "Let's get started. Have you used a lightsaber before."

"No but I used to fight with a staff" I said hoping that might help.

"Ok good, it's the same idea" he said as he threw me a lightsaber.

I caught it and turned it on. It was red. Of course it's red... I didn't actually say anything because I needed to keep up the apprentice charade until the resistance could rescue me. He showed be a few basic moves and tactics and then we fought. Kylo stood aside for a moment and took his sweater off. Oh god of course he's shredded, ugh this is going to distract me. Is that an 8 pack? I thought to myself. I looked up and he was definitely smirking.

"Are you like reading my mind or something?" I said with my hands on my hips.

"It's not intentional. Your thoughts are so loud, it's like they're constantly screaming. You'll need to learn how to block people from them"

Does that mean he heard me think about the 8 pack thing.

"Yes...yes I did, now concentrate" he said slightly smiling again.

We continued for a bit and I wasn't doing too bad against him but then he stopped.

"You need to use the anger within you, it will help greatly" He said standing back.

"I don't have anger, I'm a pretty happy person" I said looking confused.

"Everyone has something they're angry about an-"

"Not me" I said cutting him off, even though he specifically told me not to do that anymore.

He looked into my eyes intensely. I didn't know what was happening.

He began to try and evoke the anger inside me, "You are angry...I can see it. You're angry at yourself. You hate what you used to be. You were nothing but a criminal. You're angry that you didn't try to be anything more than just that. You're angry because you were nothing...nothing!" He had came a lot closer to me while searching through my mind. We were face to face.  

He was right...I was so angry with myself from back when I was nothing but a stupid criminal with nothing better in my life. However the anger was only there for a split second, it very quickly turned to sadness. Everything that he said had completely overwhelmed me and, I wasn't angry with myself. I was extremely upset with myself. In that moment I completely broke down. I started crying...I was standing in front of Kylo Ren crying.