To Make Amends • Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo x reader

• Chapter 6 •

(a/n) I'm going to try my best here. I don't know how in-character he'll be but i'll try. Im just hoping this will give a little insight to what kylos thinking lol.

~Kylo's P.O.V.~
(Y/n) had just called me Ben. I felt the anger rise in me, I had to leave before I lashed out at her. I know what she said wasn't intentional, I was more so angry at myself than her. This weak boy named Ben Solo that I had been suppressing and forgetting about for so long was resurfaced by (Y/n) with complete ease. I was angry that she had that kind of power over me. I shouldn't have let it happen, and I will not allow it to happen again....even if it means turning cold once again towards (Y/n).

After slashing the walls outside the canteen with my lightsaber, I felt better. It always helps but never for long. I have to visit Snoke at the Supremacy today. I went to my quarters, and changed into my normal long black clothes. I put my gloves and mask on, and left my quarters. I walked to the hangar and got on the Finaliser. Hux was on the Finaliser,

"Commander Ren..." He said as I walked up beside him.

"General Hux..." I said, coldly.

Hux didn't even have to do anything, just him standing there aggravates me. He was always trying to undermine me and make me appear foolish and weak to Supreme leader Snoke. We arrived at the Supremacy pretty rapidly. Snoke asked about (Y/n) and how training is going. I knew that (Y/n) wouldn't turn to the dark, there was too much light in her but I didn't want to believe it so I told Snoke that everything was fine. He believes that if she can connect with the force that she'll be exceptionally powerful.

On returning I went to my quarters and got ready to sleep, it was late and I was just laying on my double bed. I thought about how (Y/n) has such a strange effect on me. When i'm with her it's like the conflict that's constantly inside me calms down. It's still there  just not as prominent. I know (Y/n) calls me a murderer and monster, but she still talks to me like a normal person. I think that's something that puts me at ease around her. I was going to have to dismiss my feelings because feelings make you weak, however I couldn't help but smile when I thought about her.

~(Y/n)'s P.O.V.~
I woke up earlier than yesterday, just to make sure I would be on time. I don't see why it was a big deal if I was few minutes late. I got up, changed into some new clothes and grabbed my lightsaber. It's a really weird thought, I have a lightsaber now. I know it's only until the resistance rescue me but it's still crazy. I stepped out of the room and somehow just knew that it was Katia, and not Ras.

"Nice to see you again Katia" I nodded.

"You too, Miss (Y/n). Ready to go?" She replied.

We walked to the training room. I was hesitant to go in after yesterday. I opened the door and Kylo was standing there but he was back to what he was like before. He stood still in his long black clothes a with his mask and gloves.

"Good. You're on time" He said in his robotic voice. "Today we focus on using the force". I was completely back to square one with him. What am I talking about? It shouldn't matter to me. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter, but deep down it did. I felt silly seeing as i've only known him for like what? two days but I thought we were actually beginning to connect. I didn't like the cold and heartless version of him.

"Okay Master Ren..." I replied in a quiet sort of tone.

He told me to sit down and place my lightsaber in front of me. I had to try and bring the lightsaber to myself using the force. Rey has told me before that to use the force you have to feel the force and really connect with it. I closed my eyes and tried my best. I put my hand out towards the saber but nothing happened. I was sat down cross legged for so long trying to get it to work but I couldn't do it. Kylo was getting aggro over the fact that I couldn't get it. He was pacing up and down the room.

"Focus (Y/n)!!" He shouted.

I tried again and started and I saw the lightsaber shake, I got excited and lost it. I failed once again. Kylo got really mad this time.

"YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH" He screamed.

I don't think this was just about me not being able to use the force to get my lightsaber. I could feel there was something else bothering him but in that moment with all the frustration I snapped back.

I stood up and shouted back at him, "I'M TRYING MY BEST".

I stormed out the door walking straight past Katia. There was no need for him to get angry at me, I was trying my best and almost had it. I'll admit I didn't deal with it in the best way. I'll go back and say sorry to him but I just need a few minutes. I had been walking so fast that I was already at my room. I guess I know the way to my room now. I stood there for a moment I closed my eyes. Ok ok i'll go back and apologise. I just need to calm down.

I walked all the way back to the training room, he was still inside I could feel his presence. I walked in and over to Kylo who was still pacing.

"Kylo...I'm sorry that I snapped back at you" I looked at him apologetically.

"I forgive you, now let's try once more"  he said pointing to my lightsaber.

I can't believe he didn't apologise to me...he shouted at me first. Ugh why does he have to be so annoying.

"Are you serious? You know what, I don't even care anymore"

I was completely determined to be one with force and get it this time, at least then i'll be able to leave. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I let myself go, I was then able to feel the force all around me. I reached out my arm and the lightsaber flew into my hand, without saying anything and all in one swift move I turned it on, spun it around, turned it back off, turned around and strode out of the room. I feel like such a badass. I then heard a thought that wasn't mine, it was Kylo's...

"You looked badass too"

Even though he was being really irritating I couldn't help but smile at his comment. I really do not know how to feel about this man.