To Make Amends • Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo x reader

• Chapter 5 •

(a/n) just a reminder, this whole thing is mostly for myself, so if anything in the whole story doesn't seem right in the star wars universe...I'm not sorry...loll

I can't believe that i've just done this. I was crying quite a lot.

"I'm sorry Master Ren, i'll pull myself together" I looked up at him.

"I apologise" he said placing his hand on my face a wiping a few tears away. His hand was surprisingly warm.

These feelings were ones I had been suppressing and trying to forget about, it felt somewhat relieving to let them out. Kylo pulled his hand away. His facial expression didn't seem to change but as I was looking into his eyes, it was like I could see inside him. In his eyes it looked as though he was sorry.

The eyes are the window to the soul. I thought to myself, it's cliché but I do believe it. It might've been me using the force unintentionally but looking at him, I could see that his soul was full of chaos and conflict.

"It's alright, I shouldn't have broke down like that, should we continue?" I replied.

"I think we've done enough of this for today. Walk with me." He said, just before putting his shirt back on.

I went to hand him back the lightsaber but he shook his head.

"No...it's yours now" He began to walk towards the door.

I followed after him and Katia followed behind us, I wasn't sure where we were going.

"Master Ren where are we going?" I questioned  him.

"Well I presume you haven't eaten..." He said as he continued to walk.

"Oh" I replied.

It just still baffles me doing normal things and having normal conversations with Kylo Ren himself. We walked for another few minutes in comfortable silence. I had realised that I was walking beside him, and wasn't trying to keep up with him.

"How come you're not walking weirdly fast anymore?" I said breaking the silence.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I could tell he was lying.

"Mhm sure. Why?" I said turning to him.

"Last night. You thought about how I was walking too fast and you couldn't keep up. I decided to slow down." He said, his voice less cold than usual.

"Huh...that's nice, Thank you"

Ren seemed sort of taken aback when I said thank you. It's probably not something he's used to hearing...I would imaging people don't really talk to him too often, he's still a scary person in general. I've heard about his temper tantrums and how they can get pretty bad.

"Y-You're welcome..." He said looking down slightly.

We had finally arrived at the canteen thingy and when we walked in, all the stormtroopers that were there just kind of dispersed and it was only Kylo, Katia and I left. I picked up a plate, none of the food looked really identifiable so I just went to pick up the first thing I saw. We both sat down across from each other at one of the tables.

"Hey Katia, wanna get something to eat and sit down with us?" I said

"No Mam- or Miss (Y/n), I ate this morning" She replied standing still.

"Katia?" Ren questioned me looking confused.

"Yeah, you hardly expect me to call her a number, she's still a person" I said still stuffing my face food.

"I suppose, I don't usually think about that" He said continuing to eat his food.

There was something really humanising about watching Kylo Ren eat lunch. "Well you should" I replied

Then all of a sudden...he started laughing. In thy moment I could tell that he wasn't even Kylo Ren, that was Ben. He looked exactly as Leia had described her boy. His laugh was deep and it didn't last long but he was still smiling.

"What?! What are you laughing at?" I said smiling.

"It's just...you have food all over your face" he said laughing again.

"Wow way to make me feel good about myself Ben-" I joked just before realising what I had said.

I covered my mouth with my hand. I watched as Ren's smile faded.

"I'm sorry I-"

"Ben Solo is gone" he said coldly, he cleared his throat. "I have a meeting to attend." He left the room.

I could hear his lightsaber slashing the walls outside. Must be one of the infamous temper tantrums.

"Could you take me to my room Katia?" I stood up.

"I would advise you wait until Commander Ren has finished, Miss (Y/n)" she said in her usual robot voice.

"That bad huh?" I asked

"Yes..."

I wish I hadn't said Ben, I felt like we connected for a moment. Once again, I can't keep my mouth shut. I didn't mean to call him Ben, it's just that when Leia talks about him she calls him Ben. I feel so bad.

"Its alright" I heard inside my mind? It sounded like Ren.

Is that Kylo? I thought to myself.

"Yes..." I heard him again.

Wait what ?! how? There was no response, that was really weird. He could be using the force but I don't if that something the force let's you do. Maybe i'm just going crazy.

After a while of just overthinking, Katia showed me back to my room. I pretty much did nothing for the rest of the day. There's literally nothing to do here. I had a shower and then got into bed.

Wait, I don't know what time I have training tomorrow. I don't remember if Ben even said it. There I go again, I need to stop calling him that, he could be listening. He really need to teach me how to block people from my thoughts.

I decided to get out of bed and open the door to ask Katia if she knew.

"Hey Katia?"

"Hello Mam, I'm LS-2599. I take the night shift for LK-2405."

"Ok i'm gonna cut to the chase. I'm not going to call you by your number thing because your a person too. Do you have a name, like from before?"

"Yes Mam" he said standing still

"What was it?"

"Ras, Mam" he replied

"Please call me (Y/n), nice to meet you Ras. Would you happen to know what time I have training tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yes (Y/n), I was informed that your training begins 6am sharp, incase LK-2405 isn't here in the morning"

"Ok thank youuuu. Goodnight Ras"

I went back into bed and tried to sleep. I was lying staring at the ceiling for a while but I was eventually able to fall asleep.