A Comeback when the First Tear Dropped (COMPLETED)

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#ACWTFTDWatchingYou

"It's already been four years since you left me. I hope you're having the peace that you deserve," I said as I was arranging the candles and food I have bought for him.

I just let out a heavy sighed bago tumingin sa langit. Makulimlim sa pwesto ko dahil sa puno na katabi ng puntod ni Alex.

What a beautiful sky it is.

I stared back at his gravestone and then smiled. "How's your after life, my love?" I've been always asking him about this kahit na alam kong wala namang sasagot sa akin kung hindi 'yung hangin na pumapalibot sa sementeryo na 'to.

Hindi ko na isinama si Happy dahil mas hassle lang at baka hindi ko siya agad makuha sa dog daycare mamaya kung sakali.

I just got traumatized by the past that's why in every decision that I am making, I'm always making it sure that I have made the right decision 'cause I don't like regreting. I don't like blaming myself in the end because I already knew how it feels when you've regretted something and much worst, you can't bring back time.

Araw araw, palagi ko nalang iniisip kung paano ko isisingit sa schedule ko ang pagdalaw kay Alex at araw araw, parang gusto ko nalang saktan iyong sarili ko dahil sa hindi ko mapatawad.

The last time I remember, noong isang taon palang simula nang mawala siya, halos hindi ko na makilala iyong sarili ko.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako babangon mula sa bangungot na iyon.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko itatawid iyong isang araw ko.

I just don't really know meaning of life anymore.

The people around me kept on saying that everything will be alright but how can you possibly do that knowing that the love of your life was already dead? It's easy to say such words but not until they felt the same experience as mine.

Madali lang naman ang magsabi ng kung ano ano. Madali lang ang mag advice. Madali lang ang magsabi na okay lang ang lahat dahil wala naman sila sa posisyon ko. They'll never understand how I overcome my trauma and pain.

If only there's a pain reliever for what I am feeling years ago, siguro okay na ako ngayon. Madaling maka move on sa nangyari pero iyong tao ang hirap kalimutan. Iyong pinagsamahan namin, ayoko na sanang maalala pero may parte pa rin sa akin na masaya ako kapag naaalala ko though minsan masakit kasi hanggang alaala nalang pero kahit papaano nakikita ko siyang masaya sa mga alaala na 'yun.

"I don't want to go home yet, tulog muna tayo." I prepared the little blanket I've brought tapos ay inilatag iyon sa tabi ng lapida niya. I just felt so relax dahil pakiramdam ko tinitignan at binabantayan ako ni Alex.

I just closed my eyes and then began to imagine that I'm still with Alex at the moment.

Nagising nalang ako nang maramdaman ko na may pumapatak sa mukha ko kaya dali akong napadilat at naambon na pala. Madali kong kinuha iyong kumot na inilatag ko at mabilis na tumakbo sa pinakamalapit na shed dito sa sementeryo.

Hindi ko kasi nadala iyong kotse dahil sa pagmamadali kanina kaya nag grab lang ako. Inayos ko lang iyong buhok ko na medyo nabasa ng ulan pati na rin iyong kumot na bitbit ko.

Tumingin lang ako sa langit hanggang sa lumakas iyong ulan. Maybe these dead people just want to shower their love for their living loved ones.

"I made her cry." I was so shock that someone began to talk beside me but I didn't tried to look at him because I still want to stare at Alex and just tell him that I received his love.