Kai Smith x Female reader

Chapter Eighteen

Let's Fall in Love for the Night - FINNEAS 

Can I ask y'all questions at the beginning of every chapter I wanna get to know u guys hehe <3

and iF i CaN, then can we start off with what's your favorite color and which book do u want to be updated next? 

My mind raced with a thousand different thoughts, my stomach becoming a swarm of butterflies. It was all too romantic. A kiss in the rain, his strong arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me off the ground, my arms intertwined with each other as I hugged his neck. 

We didn't break the kiss for another thirty seconds - or maybe longer. 

But once we did pull away, he set me down on the ground gently, brushing rain water off my face and staring into my eyes intently. 

I swallowed, nervousness building up inside of my stomach, rising to my chest. "What was that for?" My voice was breathy, but I was surprised I didn't stutter. I wasn't even as flustered as I thought. 

"Because I like the feeling of they way your hand fits in mine. I want to hold it more often...Maybe." Kai gushed, rubbing the back of his neck, looking the other way. 

I never took him to be the shy type after first kisses. 

I gushed, rocking back and forth on my heels, stuffing my hands in my pockets. Now what was I supposed to say? The awkward tension was unbelievable obvious. I didn't want to stand here any longer. You could practically see the tension hanging in the air between us, as obvious as a giant chandelier right before my face.  

I looked at my feet, twisting and curling my toes in my shoes. Say something. 

He remained silent, his eyes still lingering on the ground before his feet. 

I grabbed his wrist. "Just get coffee with me already!" I awkwardly laughed out, still unsure of my words. "Kai," I chuckled, "just-"

He tore his arm away, meeting my eyes. Something lingered behind his warm, sunset eyes. "I just..."

My brow furrowed. "Is everything okay?" 

Nothing. 

"Oh my gosh." I pressed my hands to my mouth. "I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to kiss you. Or you think this was wrong or we're rushing into things-"

"No. It's not that." 

"...Then, what is it?" 

"I just..." He paused and turned to meet my clueless gaze.  "I don't want to hurt you. I mean...You obviously know that I have...problems. I just don't want to drag you into them. I want you to know that whatever happens, don't feel obligated to need to...take care of me or anything." 

We remained in silence for a bit, staring at the ground. I never thought about it that way. I didn't ever think that I would feel obligated to take care of Kai. I still didn't feel that way. So I reached out and gently took his hand in mine. "Aren't I supposed to? I mean, isn't that what a relationship is supposed to be? Aren't we supposed to take care of one another?"

His eyes met mine, a small smile creeping up his cheeks as he pulled me into his strong arms. I breathed in, sighing into his chest as he ran his fingers up and down my head is slow, lazy circles. After a moment, I looked up at him, confused. "Kai?"

He grunted in response. "Hm?"

"Why were you here? I was running around everywhere looking for you and then you showed up here, like, in the middle of the street." 

"I was looking for you, too." 

My brows rose. "Really?" 

"Mhm. I was going to knock on your door and confess and stuff, but I totally forgot which apartment was yours." 

I chuckled softly, resting my head against his chest again. "Kai?" 

"Yeah?"

"In movies, relationships are always super, super good for, like, half of the movie, and then they fall and crash, and burn." 

"Your point?" He laughed. 

"My point is that if this is going to continue, can we stay like this? Happy, I mean. I know you've had a hard past, and I'm not really sure what happened, and perhaps one day you'll open up to me when you're ready, but can we just be happy? And there's no doubt going to be highs and lows, but we'll be together through all of it." 

He tipped my head up, lifting my face with a single finger, gently pressing a kiss to my lips. "We can be happy, Y/n. We can be happy." 

~

"So what exactly happened?" 

Kai's therapist wasn't the nicest of  people, but from time to time she did help. Wrinkles stretched on her face whenever she raised her eyebrows, a tight, fake smile plastered on her face whenever she greeted Kai at the door. 

It was normal for all of them to have therapists of their own. As celebrities, it was kind of hard to open up to just anyone. 

Their meetings were more or less the same. They would talk and she would ask him how he's been doing, and if he stopped flirting and using dry humor as a coping mechanism, trying to get him to open up.

But this time was different. The amount of times he had cried could be counted on one hand, and this time he still didn't cry. 

No. He collapsed to the ground and he'd sobbed for an hour before he was finally able to stutter something out. 

Today we had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So his ex had broken it off with her as soon as he had told her, yelling at him that she didn't want to have to see him go. 

But Kai wanted her there - needed her there. He only had barely over a year to live and now he was stuck living it alone with pancreatic cancer eating away at his insides, killing him more and more every single day. 

Alone. Kai was alone. 

UNEDITED 

A/N

AHHHH I'VE BEEN SO INACTIVEEEEE SKDJSJS 

okok I'm sowwyyy. I was just feeling kind of glum the past few weeks but I'm feeling much better now :) I felt like this was a bit rushed, but I promise new and better stuff is coming! :)