Kai Smith x Female reader

Chapter Twenty Four

winter aid - the wisp sings (slowed) 

italics = kai's perspective 

normal text = y/n pov 

I wanted him. Every part of him. He would never want me, though. And sadly, I knew that. I wished I didn't. I wished we never met. 

He cradled my hand in his. I felt small and delicate under his gaze. 

My chest heaved with pain. I hated this day. Hated everything about it. "Kai..." 

"Y/n?" 

Damn, I hated the way he said my name. Hated it because I was never going to hear it again. 

"You're such a stubborn idiot." It felt like I was gasping for breath at this point. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't bear his eyes on me any longer. I tore my hand from his and turned, rushing out of the door. 

I heard the ninja rustle as I darted down the hall, but I paid them no heed. The nurses told me to slow down, some even tried to offer me comfort, but I shoved each and every one of them off and ran out the building. The day had gone cloudy. 

My frustration boiled. My skin was hot, contrasting the whipping wind and the freezing rain. I didn't want to feel this. I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to fall for a love I could never have. "Please," I begged. I stumbled into an alleyway and sat in near a puddle, curling my knees to my chest and burying my face. "Please...No." 

Kai was leaving? For what? There was no point in staying. I should have left. Told him I wasn't interested in anything he ever had to offer me. 

I tore my face from my knees and stared at the graying clouds, begging them to stop crying. My tears were already enough. 

I love you, Kai. 

I love you. 

But you could never love me. 

And I will always, always love you. 

I will do my part and leave. You do yours. So stay away. 

I want to be near you all the time. When I'm not, I think about being near you. 

Pain ripped at my chest. My saliva was thick in my mouth. Everything was wrong. So, extremely wrong. It felt like this was a cycle. Like he had been ripped from me so many different ways, and I from him. 

He would never love me. How could I not accept that? I wanted to make him smile because he made me smile with the stupidest things. He called me weird nicknames but I would only ever let him call me them. 

Kai was the person who was made of everything I hate, and yet I wanted to be right beside him right now. 

The rain poured and poured and poured. I didn't feel it. 

~ 

Kai's fingers rested upon the paper, drifting along the inky letters. This was probably the last time he would hold a book in his hands. Not that he read very often. When he did, it was usually necessary. 

Maybe he should have. 

Kai had regrets. No hero died without them. Especially someone like him. But he didn't regret what he thought he would. 

It was simple, little things. He wished he had gotten up in the morning instead of laying in bed until 12. Maybe tried a little harder in school. Or spent more time with his friends. Yet he didn't. Kai would do anything to get back the hours he spent wondering what he could lose in life. 

It truly was short. Well, his life was shorter than most. 

Nya had stayed back while the rest of the Ninja left to go home. Not that they didn't care. But they were heroes, and the city needed them more than he did. His sister, however, refused to leave his side. 

It was almost three in the morning. She was sleeping in a chair, her head lolling to the side as she occasionally jolted awake to keep him company before falling right back asleep. 

He didn't mind. She needed the rest. She had to spend hours begging the nurses to let her stay. She offered them heaps of money, even offered up her service like an idiot. 

Kai smiled at the thought. He loved his little sister so much. Wanted the very best for her. If Jay broke her heart, he would come back from the dead and haunt him. 

Of course, he'd never tell Nya that. She demanded he talk as if he wasn't going to die. It was inevitable he would, though. 

Kai took a breath. There was so much he loved in the world. So, so much. As the rain pattered down on the window softly, Kai lifted his head to the sky, picturing the stars instead of seeing the ceiling. 

Dreaming of Y/n's face. So delicate and soft. Ideas flooded his thoughts, and he prayed he would wake up in a world, in some reality where they could finally be together. Kai didn't want to live in a world without her, but he was glad it was him first. 

He would miss her too much. 

Although his stomach ached with pain—he'd faced worse—he leaned over and slipped his fingers around a pen and a single slip of paper. 

---

UNEDITED 

a/n 

IT'S FEEDING TIME MFS MAMA'S HERE WITH YOUR ANGST 

honestly i'm trying to get these finished as soon as possible so i can start the rewrites :))))