Kai Smith x Female reader

Chapter Twenty Three

The cinematic orchestra - to build a home (slowed) 

My heart stopped beating when I saw his weak smile and puffy eyes. He'd been crying. More than that, he was in the hospital. Suffering from what, exactly? 

There were machines I couldn't name that he was hooked up to, beeping. 

The rest of the ninja had blank, baffled stares on their faces. Nya's lip quivered with sadness, agony lacing her teary eyes. Everyone else was the same. Cole refused to show his face. His back was turned to everyone else as he gazed out the window. 

I dropped my things, a gasp falling from my lips. "What...What happened?" 

Nya's lips parted. "He wanted you here....I'm sorry. I just..." Her face contorted into an achingly soft pain as her shoulders collapsed. She brought her hands to her face, muffling the cries that escaped her. 

Jay's hand fell on her back, rubbing up and down, even as his own lip trembled. I glanced to Zane, whose face remained unreadable despite his furrowed brow. 

And Lloyd...was nowhere to be seen. 

"Can you guys...give us some time?" Kai croaked. None of them responded. Cole only shoved past me with Jay holding a sobbing Nya in his arms. They wandered out, and Zane closed the door behind him. The soft click brought me back, alerting me. 

I brushed my hands down on my pants and wandered to Kai's side, taking the seat Nya was previously in. He smiled, his eyes barely open. 

My heart was pounding, but I reached for his hand anyway. "What happened." A demand from me. Not a question. 

"I'm not okay, Y/n. I haven't been for a long, long while." He licked his lips. 

"You're telling me this now?" 

That stupid, stupid smile. 

"You're mad?" 

I snagged my hand back, standing up. I slapped my palms on my thighs, standing and throwing my arms in frustration. "Of course I'm mad! Why wouldn't you tell me this? That's stupid, Kai! Really freaking stupid!" 

"I'm sorry." 

"You're sorry? Yeah, you're sorry now! You wouldn't be sorry if you had just told me. You should have, Kai. This is so stupid. I can't do this right now. You know how worried I was?" 

He grinned when I whipped around to face him. Despite the situation, he still managed to make my cheeks heat. "You were worried about me?" 

"I-ugh." I ran a hand down my face. "This is serious, Kai. I'm not joking." 

"I know." 

We paused for a bit, until I demanded he say something. It took me a moment to realize that hot tears were trickling down my cheeks. I sniffed, swiping them away. "Kai," I said, my hands shaking, "why didn't you tell me?" 

"I didn't want you to be hurting, too." 

"I would have helped," I whispered. "I would never hurt because of you." You could never hurt me because I love you. The unspoken words hung there. We both heard them. 

You could never hurt me because I'm an idiot and I fell so hard and so fast for you and I didn't want that to happen, but it did and you're just so frustrating but that's why I love you and you could never love me back because- 

His hand fell upon mind. His amber eyes softened, drifting over my features. I wanted so badly to tell him that he had no reason to be scared. He had no reason to not tell me. He had no reason to... he had no reason to not love me, and yet he still didn't. 

~ 

Kai loved Y/n. So very dearly. He had fallen hard, too. He had fallen too quickly. Those e/c eyes had taken him by the throat and not let go. Perhaps he had loved her too soon. They barely knew each other, but he would be willing to know every single part of her, and then some. 

What pained him the most was that he knew he could never tell her that. Perhaps it would be better if she never knew. He didn't have any way to know if she would move on or not. Maybe she would if he told her, maybe she never would. Or maybe he did want to tell her, but he didn't know how. 

Kai's mouth wouldn't utter the words. But he loved her. He'd take the secret to his grave. Kai hated that more than anything. 

~ 

Two people. One weeping, tears streaming down her face. A face that held so much honest beauty and so much pain at the same time. Another that was smiling softly, knowing it was their last few moments. 

It was like deja vu. They'd both seen each other in so much pain, forbidden to be lovers, in multiple lives. They'd both found a way to fall in love. 

The worst thing about love was that it is always, always denied without fail. That's what made it so damn beautiful. That is the reason why they loved, and why everyone tries to, as well. 

If not a person, something. A hobby, a book, a movie. 

The universe would forever see these two as the perfect example of that. The perfect example of yearning for something. Wanting something. But never knowing how to tell each other. 

----

UNEDITED 

A/n 

HI YALL I GOT IN THE MOOD TO WRITE HEHEHE I FINISHED ALL MY HOMEWORK AND MY TEACHER JUST RECOMMENDED ME FOR AP ENGLISH AHHHHHHH 

anyway i love yall so so much pls never ever forget that i kind of stopped writing because i got really insecure about it but you all support me so so much and i love each and every one of you guys