A Little Too Much, A Little Too Deep

Chapter 5

I am in so much shit. Adrian looks far from his usual chipper demeanour.

"How long have you been here?"

Adrian crosses his arms loosely across his chest as he kicks his feet up onto the small section when there is still a clear spot and shrugs his shoulders.

"Not very long, but when I went to go a get a can of pop I noticed that you had all of this in your cupboard, not including the bottles that I found in your bedroom. Care to explain where you managed to get an $80 bottle of tequila from?" He says leaning back into the couch and pinning me in place with his gaze. I twist my fingers trying to think of how I could explain away how I got all of this without having to tell him that I stole it from him. I look down at the floor so that he doesn't see the crimson spread across my checks.
"I know where you got it from, I want to know why. Why take it Little Dhampir, why not ask for it or better yet why would you squirrel it away like you have something to hide?"

"You know, you aren't really one to judge another for how they use alcohol to cope, Adrian," I snap. Is he really going to sit there and judge me when he self-medicates with alcohol and cigarettes and god knows what else? Adrian sighs and stands up and walks towards me and gently places his hands on my shoulders.

"Rose. I'm not blaming you for using it to help dull out the pain, but I want to know why you didn't come to me. You were my girlfriend, remember? Well.... I should use that term lightly because you really were never as invested in this as much as I was. But besides that, you should have come to me and talked to me. You are my friend, and I wouldn't have wanted to see you suffering and if I had known something was going on I would have tried my best to help you."

­­­­­Guilt and shame the only things I can feel. In a way I was using him, to try to fill a void in my life and stealing his alcohol. In all honesty I don't even know what to say to him because I don't know how to deal with this complete shit storm I've created. I step back from him and walk around to plop down on the couch with a sigh.

"I really don't even know where to start Adrian. I didn't tell anyone that I was hurting, and I especially couldn't tell you why I was hurting."
"Why, because you were in pain from what Dimitri said to you in the church?" Adrian says deadpanned. My eyes flick up to him and if they moved any faster, they would have rolled back into my skull.

"How did you know about that?"

He shakes his head and comes to sit next to me, throwing his arm against the back of the couch.

"He told me after he brought you into the hospital. He kept saying that it was his fault. I thought he lost his marbles until I got him to sit down and tell me what happened. He blames himself for hurting you and he even confessed that..."

"That he lied," I finish his sentence. He bobs his head in agreeance. Reaching back to the window behind the couch he opens it and then pulls out a cigarette and pops it into his mouth and lighting it. He takes a few drags before he continues talking.

"You should have seen his aura it was so dark and heavy. I told him that he was a complete idiot of course. I mean, who would not be completely in love with you," he says, exhaling the smoke and blowing it out the window.

Again, I feel a pang of guilt. Here is a guy who has told me he loves me and tried to show me that every way he can, and I can never fully let him in or return those feelings. All because I fell in love with someone that I shouldn't have, someone who pushed me away on countless occasions and yet I'm still in love with him.

"I'm sorry," I whisper looking up at him again.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, I kind of forced your hand in this relationship when I asked you to give me a chance when you came back from Russia. But to be honest, I don't think you and I would have ever really worked." I grasp his hand and squeeze it gently.