A Little Too Much, A Little Too Deep

Chapter 13

Opening my eyes to the early morning sun I sigh contently, basking in the feeling of being wrapped up with Dimitri. Tilting my head down to look at his as he rests his head on my chest, eyelashes dusting his cheekbone and lips parted gently and his breath dancing across my collarbone, I smile. After seeing his panicked state earlier this morning, I'm glad to see him peaceful. Even if it means that I am immobilized by him. Not only is his head on my chest, but his arm is wrapped around my waist and one of his legs is pinning mine to the mattress. I lay there running my finger through his hair lightly for a while before I hear a door down the hall close and footsteps on the stairs.

"Comrade," I whisper in his ear. No response, no movement. I say his name a few times before he groans and shifts onto his side, pulling my body closer to his. I chuckle internally but say his name gently again and he loosens his grip, mumbling in his sleep.

Placing a kiss on his lips, I slip out of bed and slip downstairs quietly. Walking into the kitchen I am not surprised to see that Olena already in here.

"Good morning," I say wrapping my arms around her from behind and she greets me and places one of her hands on mine while stirring the pot on the stove. Letting go and stepping beside her to investigate the pot, I see her making kasha, a buckwheat porridge. Inhaling deeply with a grin on my face I ask her if there is anything I can do to help; she instructs me to make coffee.

"Rose, I want to thank you for what you did for my son. I don't think I can ever thank you enough," she says, placing the lid on the pot and turning down the heat.

"Olena, I just did what I felt I needed to." She smiles and pulls me into her embrace, and I press my face into her shoulder, taking in the feeling. My relationship with my mother may be mending, but I have already bonded with Olena from when I was here last time and I welcome the feeling of her hug.

"So. Do you want to tell me where the marks on your arms came from?" She asks me while squeezing me tighter. Damn, I had hoped she hadn't noticed them. I take a deep breath and pull out of her embrace before turning around and grabbing two mugs from the cupboard above the coffee maker and pouring the hot brew into the cups. Handing one to her, I gesture towards the table. Sitting down and adding the desired milk and sugar, I take a sip and look at her over the rim.

"I don't really know how to start this... you remember my bondmate Lissa?" I say to her apprehensively. She finishes her sip and nods before placing her cup down on the table and wrapping her hands around the cup.

"Well, the side effect of Lissa's spirit is darkness. It feeds on negative emotions and heightens them, making them even more dangerous. Lissa was carrying so much of it and it was syphoning out through the bond into me." I take a moment to compose myself, feeling anxiety and guilt rearing their ugly heads and I try to push them back down.

"After Dimitri was restored, he didn't want to see me, I kept pushing him to see me. A week or so after I kind of cornered him in the church at court and tried to get him to talk to me, but it backfired on me. He told me that he had given up on me and he didn't love me anymore, that his feelings had faded." Taking another sip of my coffee I look up at her and try to gauge her thoughts. In many ways she was like her daughters, emotions on their sleeves, but I can also see where Dimitri gets his stoic face from and she looks at me.

"I was heartbroken and bottled everything up. On top of Lissa's feelings and the darkness it got to be a lot to handle. I started drinking daily to try and numb the pain, hell, I resorted to cutting my wrists to try and alleviate the weight that was pressing down on me. Eventually everything got to be too much, and everywhere I looked I saw him, and one night I locked myself in my bathroom with a bottle of booze and cut a little too much, a little too deep. I didn't realize that I was losing too much blood until I started to pass out," I say shakily. I had never told anyone the extent of my pain, not even Dimitri. But telling Olena, I felt like I could get everything off my chest freely.