A Little Too Much, A Little Too Deep

Chapter 9

"Not tonight," he sighs. I pull back feeling the pang of rejection in my chest, knowing that it is written over my face too.

I was wrong, he doesn't want me.

I move to climb off his lap, but he places his hands on my shoulders. I advert my gaze from his, looking down in my lap.

"Hey, look at me, Roza. I want to, I do, but you had a lot to drink tonight and I'm not about to take advantage of that." He explains soothingly, rubbing his hands over my shoulders. I still haven't looked up, trying to blink back the tears in my eyes and calm myself down.

"Baby, look at me."

I flick my eyes up quickly and then back down. He brings his hand to my chin and tilts my head up so that I am forced to look at him. He frowns kissing my forehead and wiping a few tears that have spilled over.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him. I just want the earth to swallow me whole. He pulls me to his chest and wraps his arms around me, whispering sweet nothings to me in Russian.

"You have no reason to apologize. It hurts to tell you no, but I couldn't live with myself if you woke up in the morning and regretted anything. I'm not about to take you to bed while you are under the influence, you mean more than that to me." He says kissing the top of my head. I press my face into the skin of his chest and will myself to calm down. Taking a few moments to breathe I can feel the haze of the alcohol swimming in my body and I appreciate his resistance.

"Will you stay the night? I just want you to hold me," I murmur against him. He doesn't reply, but he hooks his hands under my thighs and stands up, walking towards my bedroom and places me down on my bed. Straightening up he walks into the bathroom and fills the glass on the counter with water and brings it back, telling me to drink all of it and that he will be right back. I dutifully take the glass and drink it whole as he walks back into the living room, and then hearing the front door open and close a few moments later. I stand up and shakily walk into the bathroom, trying to keep myself upright and turn the shower on. I clumsily strip down and step into the shower to wash myself down and bring a little bit of sobriety back to me.

Washing my hair and conditioning it quickly and almost slipping as I step out, I dry off and pull on a long t-shirt and underwear and crawl into bed. I wait for a few more minutes before my eyes start to droop, blinking a few more times to keep awake. It's been almost forty-five minutes now, and the feeling of rejection creeps back into my chest.

He isn't coming back.

Rolling over onto my side and curl into a ball, fighting the tightness in my chest. Take a deep breath Rose, you should have seen this coming. I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't hear the door open, and I am unaware that I'm not alone until the bed dips behind me and an arm drapes around my waist.

"I'm sorry that took so long, Guardian Charleston caught me in the hall and wanted me to switch shifts with him, but I will be away with you so I...Rose? What's wrong?"

I don't reply, staring at the wall across from me. He rolls me over to face him and runs his hand over my hair. "Roza?"

"I didn't think you were coming back," I whisper meekly. He pulls me close to him and I clutch him tightly, nails digging into the skin of his back.

"I told you I would be right back," he says rubbing his hand in circles on my back, resting his head on mine. I mumble into his chest, but it's too muffled for him to understand. He pulls back to look at me with confusion written all over his face.

"I said I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good things don't generally happen for me."

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes, but he scoots down the bed so that he is eye level with me and rests his head against mine.