Come Home Adopted by 5SOS

47

I know it's short but I have literally no motivation rn.

Hours passed by where I stayed at Michaels side, I felt the movements of the bus jerk me around slightly making Michael hold me tighter.
My attention wasn't even focused on the tv, I could hear the others in the main area of the bus. I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.

"Hey, you ok?" Mikey asked making my head snap up to him, our eyes met briefly.

"Y-yeah just... I don't know."

"Hey, listen to me. You're going to be ok,  I swear. I know what I said about wanting to split hurts you. I love you but we can't, you know that." Michael said smiling sadly.

"Can we give it another go? You're the first person I've ever fallen in love with. I just... I-I just..."
I couldn't even form a sentence, I felt so weird but overwhelmed .

"What Ivy? Spit it out."

"Forget it."

Michael chuckled lightly and poked my side making me squeal and giggle.

"Tell me!" He whined whilst poking me making me fall into a puddle of giggles.

"S-stop tickling me then!" I giggled pushing his hands away.

"Fine but tell me." He warned allowing me to sit up.

"I just.... I want to feel loved."

I looked at Mikey who almost looked sad but more of a sympathetic sadness.

"We all love you Ives, you know that." Michael said kissing my nose.

"No!- I mean yea but.... I want to be cared for. I-I don't want to be like my dad. I don't want to be abusive or manipulative. I want to stop being like this. Just make this stop!" I felt myself start shaking and instantly broke down, withering into Michael for comfort.

He sighed and held me tightly, running his hand through my hair.

"Ivy. Please, calm down. It's ok." He assured.

"N-no it's not! Did you see me back there?! That-that thing wasn't me! That's not me, Mikey! That's-that's not me." At the end of my sentence you couldn't hear me, I spoke barely above a whisper.

"Answer me truthfully Ivy." Michael said making my eyes snap up to his.

"Y-yeah?"

"Do you think you have Borderline personality disorder?"

"What?! No!" I spat out not even thinking.

He looked at me almost angrily making me feel scared.

"I said truthfully Ivy." His tone shifted from a more lighter sympathetic one to a angrier one.

"I-I don't know. It could be bipolar or BPD. I-I don't know. Whatever that was, I-it wasn't me." I stuttered.

Was I mentally ill? Did I have a disorder I don't know about?
He sighed and stayed silent not knowing what to say, I finally spoke up.

"Do you think-do you think Ash would send me back? If I had a disorder?"

"Ivy how many times? No." He said sounding yet again annoyed.

"Oh ok."

I shuffled to the corner and pulled a blanket out from the under compartment. I draped it over me and started to fidget with the tassels on my hoodie.

What do they actually think of me?