The Eternal Rest (Completed)

Chapter 49: First And Last

Confusion, anger and fear were all in Bright's eyes as I stared at him. I know what he's thinking - that I am dirty and I engaged myself with such activities. He thinks that the man he loved is not as pure as he thought he was. His boyfriend went from one bed to another. This man lying in bed, slept with guys that he can't even imagine how and when it happened.

I bit my lip as I avoided his gaze and silence filled the entire room. I played with my fingers while I let him have the silence he wants. I don't have the guts nor the right to even demand anything from him.

This is all on me. I did this to myself. I unconsciously sought this disease and now it's eating every immune cells in me alive.

I heard how Bright let out a deep sigh and spoke.

"Can you please leave us alone for a while? I need to talk to him."

Him. Yeah, thought so.

I didn't look at the people inside the room as they went out. I fixed my gaze on my now cold hands because of fear and nervousness I'm feeling. I guess this is the end huh?

I heard the door closed and I felt him sat beside me. I braced myself for an angry and irrational Bright when I felt him touched my hand.

"Please look at me." he requested but I just can't.

I'm ashamed of what I've done to myself; to him. He can leave me right now and I will fully understand.

"Win please look at me." he pleaded and I felt him lift my chin just so our eyes can meet. "What are you thinking?"

I bitterly smiled and shook my head.

"I don't even have the right to say things to you now." I heavily said as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I-I would understand if you're disgusted or disappointed with me Bright. I... would understand if you would want to break up with me right now."

I can't take his intense gaze anymore. I don't want to cry. I have to be strong for myself once he decided to end this.

"Y-You don't have to stay here Bright. I know what I have right now is something that anybody couldn't really process right away. The stigma for this kind of disease is really hard to break. I know you're disappointed in me."

"Do you honestly think of me that way? Do I look like someone that will think lowly of you?" his voice was deep and weirdly it's calm. He touched my chin again to meet my eyes. "When will you be able to trust me fully my Metawin?"

"Bright w-why? I-I mean-"

"Why am I not leaving you yet?" he asked and I nodded. "Win I don't understand where and when those things came to your mind but can you trust me more than this?"

"Would you still stay with me even I have HIV?" I weakly asked and it didn't even take him a second to nod.

Tears started to pool my eyes and he immediately pulled me in for a hug. That's where I lost it. I cried. I cried in his chest because I felt so scared and alone even though Sinee was here earlier. I felt very disappointed with myself and I don't even know how I will say this to my love ones.

"It's okay my love..."

"I'm sorry Bright." my voice croaked and I felt him hugged me tighter. "I'm sorry if I'm such a disappointment to you. I'm sorry for doing things while we are away. I-I'm sorry for not being faithful to you all these years. I'm sorry for changing Bright."

"It's okay..." he cooed but I just can't take it.

"No it's not! I-I have this disease and... and what if this goes out of hand? What if the media knows about this? W-What are we going to do?"