Piss Me Off

Episode 7: Pre-cum

EPISODE 7: PRE-CUM

It's 9:30am on a Thursday. Rusty and Alex are hitting the bong and watching Viceland. Alex is in his work clothes.

Rusty: I feel like we've seen every documentary on here a thousand times. It's always a rerun. They never show anything new besides that Desus & Mero bullshit. That show's just like Ridiculousness; it's just a bunch of morons laughing at shit that's not funny.

Alex: I like Desus & Mero. They have their moments.

Rusty: I hate those nerds. How hard is it to find someone funny to host a show?

Alex: Fuck. I have to leave here in a couple minutes. What are you doing today?

Rusty: Amanda has the day off, so she's coming over. I'm not sure what we're gonna do yet. We'll probably just fuck. Then maybe go get something to eat. Then fuck again. Then maybe take a nap. Wake up and fuck. Probably go to Darryll's tonight get real drunk, come home and fuck.

Alex: Well you better hang out for a while tonight. Don't leave the bar early like you did the last few times. Ever since you've been hanging out with Amanda, I feel like I rarely ever see you.

Rusty: Sorry man, I love her. I just wanna spend all my time with her.

Alex: So you've forgotten about how she had the train ran on her by Thang 1 and Thang 2?

Rusty: That was before we were together.

Alex: You guys are together?

Rusty: Well, not yet but it's in motion. We just haven't got quite there yet. She still has to get over Worm Food.

Alex: Worm Food?

Rusty: Dustin.

Alex: Oh right. It's been only a couple weeks since his funeral.

Rusty: Three and a half weeks. Best three and a half weeks of my life.

Alex: All right whatever man. You sound like a chump and this all sounds like a huge mistake. Have fun with that. I gotta got to work. See you later.

Alex closes the front door behind him.

Rusty: You'll see when you're the flower girl at our wedding!

A couple hours later, Amanda and Rusty are lying in his bed, naked. She is texting on her phone while he his entertaining himself by repeatedly poking and slapping his boner against her thigh.

Rusty: Who are you texting?

Amanda: My mom.

Rusty looks at the phone. There is no contact name, just a phone number.

Rusty: You don't keep your mom's number saved in your phone?

Amanda: She just got a new one. I haven't saved it yet.

Rusty: You know how much I love you? If you ever got really fat, like 350 pounds of grossness, and you couldn't reach your ass, I would totally wipe for you. I swear.

Amanda: Oh really? That's fucking disgusting. I'd never let you anywhere near by butthole.

Rusty slowly started to inch his penis between her butt cheeks. She stopped him.

Amanda: You're about two seconds away from getting punched in the face.

Rusty: C'mon, let me see what's down the pipe.