Piss Me Off

Episode 2: Not Racist

Episode 2: Not Racist

It's 10:30 on a Saturday morning. Rusty and Alex sit on their couch passing a blunt back and fourth. Alex is busy checking social media on his laptop. Rusty is watching the TV play music videos from YouTube. In the video, a rap group is rapping in front of their trap house with what appears to be their entire neighborhood.

Rusty: You think that's their real trap house?

Alex: I'm not really sure what a trap house is.

Rusty: It's a house where they sell crack. And make it and shit. That's why they keep saying "Bando." Short for abandoned house (exhales smoke) where one sells crack.

Alex: It's probably the real one. These fellas don't look like actors.

Rusty: That's pretty stupid of them to show their actual Bando.

Alex: They're just being real.

Rusty: Yeah but you can see the address on the fucking house. It's not even blurred out.

Alex: You don't understand what it's like in the hood, bruh. We gotta represent the block. Ride or die Tulip Street.

Alex crosses his index fingers like an uppercase "T".

Rusty: Bro, why you always acting light skinned?

Alex: What do you mean?

Rusty: It's like that time you kept going on about how I know nothing about cheesy grits, and how you used to get "Coochie Cups" from the candyman.

Alex: I grew up in the hood.

Rusty: Okay, but for some reason when you talk about it or a black person is around you start talking like you're black.

Alex: How exactly do you "talk like you're black"?

Rusty: You know exactly what I mean. Like white rappers do. But it's still cool because they do it all the time, where as you only do it when black people are around.

Alex: That's racist to say all black people talk like that.

Rusty: I'm not saying all black people talk like that, but they invented that way of speaking so I think it's fair to classify it as "talking black."

Alex: Yeah, that's racist.

Rusty: That's not racist. Assuming every black person you meet knows about your hood-specific activities as a child is racist.

Alex: I don't know what you're talking about.

Rusty: Really? So you don't challenge every black person you meet to a game of Tonk?

Alex changes the topic.

Alex: (to computer) Heeeell yeah!

Rusty: What?

Alex: Today's Katie Johnson's birthday.

Rusty: Is she having a party?

Alex: I don't know. Nick probably would though.

He sends Nick a text.

Alex: She has one every year, it has to be tonight. Then you could cross the first name off of the list.

Rusty: What list?

Alex: List of Amanda's friends to revenge fuck.

Rusty: You think Katie would fuck me?