Piss Me Off

Episode 4: Whore Spirit

EPISODE 4: WHORE SPIRIT

Monday morning Rusty was still coming down from his trip and had not slept yet. For the past five hours he had been hearing an obnoxious high-pitched quack-like laugh that seemed to be coming from inside the house. He finally gets out of bed and walks into the living room to find the cat carcass spilled out onto the rug.

Rusty: (sighs) I gotta do the right thing.

Rusty grabs a shovel from the garage and scoops the majority of El Chupacabra out of the carpet and into the new cat carrier. He covers the blood stain with a beach towel and loads the carrier into his car. Driving down the road he sees the neighbor kid, Harvey, playing with two of his friends. Harvey is a fat blonde baby faced 12-year-old. He is so cheerful it is like being around the real life Pillsbury Dough Boy. He is playing with his skinny black friend and a ginger girl who was unusually tall for a 12 year old. They are chasing each other around with Harvey's father's Shop-Vac. Rusty slows down and rolls down the window.

Harvey: What's up slick?

Rusty: Slick? Who teaches you all these queer expressions, Harvey?

Harvey: My dad.

Harvey chortles his fat kid laugh.

Rusty: You're too young to be making those noises. Get the gravy out of your lungs.

Harvey's face turns red, like it always does when someone alludes to his fatness. He sees the cat carrier, which is luckily turned the opposite way.

Harvey: Hey, can I pet your kitty?

Rusty: No, he's sick. I'm taking him to the vet.

Harvey: Aw man.

Rusty: What are you nerds doing?

Harvey: We're playing Ghostbusters.

Rusty: What a coincidence. As of last night, I have a ghost in my house.

Harvey: Nah ah.

Rusty: I swear. Some smelly hooker with a droopy vagina summoned it from hell last night.

Harvey: Well, we could catch him for you.

Rusty: Shut up Harvey. I'm not kidding, you little piggy. There's a real ghost in my house.

Harvey: Seriously. I saw how to do it on YouTube. You just need a fire extinguisher and a vacuum. My dad has a fire extinguisher under the sink.

Rusty: Well, I mean you can try. When I get back from the vet, bring over the vacuum and your dad's fire extinguisher and if you really catch the ghost, I'll give you 20 bucks.

Harvey: I'll see your 20 dollars and raise you 50.

Rusty: What?

Harvey: 50 dollars and I'll do it.

Rusty: Don't try to negotiate with me, Harvey. You don't know how. You just sound stupid. 20 dollars is more than enough to support your cookie addiction.

Harvey: Ok 20 dollars that's a deal (spits in hand) shake on it.

Rusty: Get away from my car, Harvey. And do some jumping jacks till I get back. It's 9am and your tits are already sweating.

Harvey: That's not what your mom said.

Rusty: No, you're right. She was amazed at how dry your fat boy tits were.