Im convinced that I can do no right. I can't make people truly happy. I can't keep anyone longer with me than a couple months and if you've stayed then I've just been lying or hiding things from you. Im a terrible friend, daughter, and person. I miss people who wouldn't even give me a second thought. I give out my heart to people who I've only known for hours even though the only result in the end is me alone. I dont want to be alone.. Its hard. No one listens when youre alone and even if they do youre put on the back burner or they just hear it. They dont care. Its just the same stuff like always. Nothing changes, it only repeats. We're all stuck in a vicious cycle with no way out but it feels as though mine is a drill and it just keeps spiralling downwards even if the route I take is up. This clouding that surrounds my mind is made up of star dust and lust. All I can think of is how someone would touch me and how I would touch them. But then everything gets turned around and I start bawling my eyes out because I cant stand the thought. Do you know how that feels? Wanting something so badly, thinking about it, and then that same thought disgusting you and making you what to scream with each fiber in your body. But you cant. All you can do is sit there and cry your pretty little eyes out because why? Because youre alone. No one wants you, and even if they did you know what happens. Love, lust, and lost. The three L words that make up your life. I cant stand to be here, much less anywhere. I feel like I'm a walking hazard. I feel like I could die and no one would notice. I feel that way because everytime I cry, no one cares to look. Everytime I reach out for comfort they pull away and get angry because they're scared. They're scared because they dont understand my mind and how it works and how it processes and doesnt process things. I want to be normal, but I'm too far from that now. I want to be pretty, but really what is that? I dont want to be a disappointment, but everyday I'm reminded that I fucked up my life. No one else. Im just convinced I dont belong here, with you people. You lovely, cherished, close-minded people.
