I just dont know what to feel anymore. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to be alive. It hurts to be in love. It hurts to eat. It just hurts. I dont care what anyone says. I'm just so done. I don't have anything to live for. And if you try and tell me youre a reason good fucking luck because I will not believe you. My own mother doesnt care that Im scared to grow up. All she says is get a grip. Roll with it. When i fucking roll with it I end up getting cuts all over my fucking legs and arms. When I try to get a grip I just slip again and again and again. I'm tired of it. I cant fucking explain in words how much I just want to end it right now. I would try but you wont understand. I would attempt to but you wont listen. Its not worth your time. I'm always sad so why is this any different.? No one wants to hear it because I always feel like this so I just keep it to myself. I can read body language. I know when someone is listening. I know when someone is annoyed. And its like no matter what I do everyone is just done with me. I really hope my parents leave the house today so I can just fucking end it. I'm so done. I dont deserve to live. I'm just going to fuck everything up like i always do. I have no future and if i do its not bright. I dont see myself living a happy life. I'm always having to get help from someone. I'm always having to hide and just sit there and be pretty. I'm so done. I cut recently but its just not enough anymore. It doesnt take the pain away anymore. I smoke weed but I guess I smoke too much because I dont really get high anymore.. I'm just a disappointment and a fraud. I repel anyone close to me because I'm scared I'm just gonna make them angry with me. I dont feel like being saved anymore. I dont feel like theres any purpose for me here. I'm just a big fucking mistake.
If anyone ever reads this. This is me signing off. Forever. Good night.
