So, I know I haven't posted for a bit and I guess that's pretty wrong. I know most people dont enjoy reading about others sadness or disorders or anything but for those of you who have read this entire book based on just my feelings, I commend and thank you. You werent forced nor asked to read this hideous novel on my everyday self loathing but you did it anyways. So, I'm sure for this of you who have read this far I'm sure your wondering "what's wrong now?". Well, for starters; I am now 16 years of age and I still hate the world. More so for the sheer fact of my weight, my own mind, and those around me who continue to inflict mental or verbal harm on me or things that I truly feel and stand for. Just counting from the start of this dreadful 2019 my parents and I have summed up all the things that have already gone wrong (Mostly because it was for my mom's school assignment.). There have been over a 100 things that have gone wrong and counting. From hospital visits to broken down cars to losing precious items or pets (don't worry we found our dogs, they're safe.). There have been only a few that have directly affected me. Mostly its just my depression that has gotten to me per usual. But more than other things my girlfriend and I have been fighting for quite some time now. First what happened was we were at her house as "friends" and her parents are more than just slightly homophobic. Long story short, her mother walked in at 2 AM trying to return some of my gf's clothes and found us on the bedroom floor doing *cough* things *cough*. If you catch my drift. Surprisingly she didnt wake the whole house and didnt make us break up which I'm thankful for. But since then my girlfriend and I have been fighting more often than we used to. We came to a conclusion of why: because the only times we really see eachother is at school. Huge shocker right? Another thing that has being going on is our fight on religious beliefs. She's a Christian and I'm a Wiccan. The two are completely different although most religious holidays came from Pagan ones. I invited her to a simple Tarot Card reading and learning class (which has no say on who and who can't use them for whatever reasons being religious or not.). And her mother said and I quote, "No, stop asking. We don't deal with that sort of thing.". 'That sort of thing'? Really? Being Wiccan is not about celebrating the Devil or anything evil (as long as you dobt go down that sort of path) it is completely about celebrating Mother Nature and the spirit and wonderful life she has given us. It is about celebrating the stars and moon giving thanks for guiding our ways. Giving thanks to the Sun for crops and such. All the magik involved? Is purely plant or spiritual based. I dont understand how people see that as wrong. Our religion doesnt ever say to out cast or be unkind to anyone unless theyve done us wrong, even then we still do the most human thing possible and just cut them out of our life. We don't hex them or anything. But in all other religions they say to hate and kill those who Don't follow the word of God. The people I'm hinting at are mostly LGBTQ+ people. The only "homophobic" thing in the entire bible is 'Man shall not lay with Man' which is actually poor translating. The original saying is 'Man shall not lay with Boy' which is reffering to pedophilia. Now that that is said, here's yet another thing wrong. My Papa that I'm very close to is dying and I'm here in Utah for the month of June staying with him. But I cant not be depressed when around him. He looks worse and worse each day and it tears me apart. He used to be, forgive my lack of dictionary at the moment for my poor word choice but, fat. Now he's as skinny as a Victoria's Secrect Model. I have no words or actions that could truly express my love and sorrow for this 63 year old man. I can't imagine a life with out him. We've been close ever since before I could ever remember.
