A lot of things happen all the time. For better or for worse. You never really know until it happens. And then at that point its just happening and you cant make it stop and you cant end it. All you can do is watch. And thats all you have part of. That happened recently. I watched my life fall apart, build up, and crumble before my very eyes all in the span of a week. I had been dating this girl. Lets not say names yeah.? I broke up with her. And she didnt like it at all. And we fought constantly for days on end. Then I go to school for the week it was in session and i meet a boy. We're still not saying names so lets call him.. CJ. CJ is well.. Perfect. Hes slightly taller than me. Hes tiny. He's cute. And hes FTM. I love him. But i stole his everything.. His first kiss and his first everything else.. I'm even his first girlfriend. What do I do.? I feel like if I fuck this up hes gonna be even more scared to do it ever again. I dont want to fuck up. But I already feel like I am. Ive cut twice. And failed to tell him before both times. I still cant communicate how I feel. I dont think I'm babying him right. I might be.? Im not sure.. And now my mom is getting mad at me for not having a job and getting money other than my child support and I get it because im 17 but what else am I supposed to do when I feel like a constant failure. Im going to "fuck up" something at work, over react, and get fired. I know I will. Im just too scared if everything. I really think maybe i should go into a hospital again but they never really helped and my parents are already having issues with money and insurance so im not sure what else to do anymore..
