dear bear | kth

23장

dear bear,

there are days where i feel super frustrated. today is one of them.

it's annoying to see how certain things don't go the way you expect it to work out. i want certain things to go a certain way yet it never works out. but somehow, it works for others. do you know how annoying that is?

it makes me feel so disheartened. and i feel like there's no point in doing more because my work will never work out the way i want it to. i don't really have much advice for you. this time, i just felt like sharing my feelings with you. maybe you'll understand them one day too.

people always seem to do better around me. and it's embarrassing and quite frankly, very frustrating when i cannot do as well as my peers. what you get isn't what you expected then you feel disheartened. you start to feel as if the work you do with not effort seems to do better than when you put more work in.

why do you think that we feel that way? i guess we really won't ever know. maybe, it's because we like to put ourselves down a lot to achieve maximum perfection.

yet, it hurts so much when parent figures would tell you, "but that person is doing better." i may, in the future, forget many things and i could even potentially break some promises. but this one. this one i will try my best to keep true.

i will never compare you to others.

comparing people to other people bring out self esteem and our self worth down. i don't ever want you to feel that way when i used to all the time in the past.

i will never.

that i can promise.

i really don't know what the point of this entry was other than the fact that i needed to share my overbearing feelings and thoughts. as well as creating a new promise between the two of us.

other than that, maybe i'll write something better the next day or so. till then,

love,
kim taehyung