dear bear | kth

17장

dear bear,

sometimes i feel as if life is weighing down on me. there's times where i want to just leave everything be and not worry about it anymore. but i know i can't do that. it's not right of me to do that.

it's my responsibility to finish that problem and see a solution through. but it's just so hard. you know that something good will happen at the end and that this will all just seem like something small.

but even the smallest things become the biggest obstacles in life.

it's a hard concept to wrap your mind around it. so many temptations to put it down but a larger part of you says no.

i remember how difficult it was when your mother passed away and i was left with you. i found it difficult to even go into your nursery and look at you. maybe it was because a large part of me resented you although i knew i shouldn't.

it was the idea of someone i loved leaving my side and giving me a big new chapter of life. i felt overwhelmed. which is why a lot of your mothers friends had to help. a lot of them took care of you for the first couple of weeks till i pushed my fears aside.

it wasn't right of me to leave you be. throughout the time i started raising you- i felt so many things- new emotions, i made new memories. a large part of me wanted to pack up my bags and just leave.

it was a selfish desire. truly.

but when you come across just even a small level of uncertainty and difficulty- you just want to leave. it's the fear of walking into something unknown and be enveloped by that problem/event that scares you.

you need to realize that sometimes succumbing to that fear can be very selfish. what may seem beneficial in that split moment ends up becoming something that can be extremely hurtful for everyone around you- maybe even the issue itself.

it never helps.

it never works to leave.

so keep pushing through. it's like going down a path filled with terrible sites and in poor condition. but once you reach the end- you see something others cannot see. a beauty that's meant only for your eyes.

love,
kim taehyung

—

hello;

this is appletae- i just wanted to apologize for the extremely slow updates. there's been a lot of stuff happening very suddenly in my life. i haven't been in the best state to take time to write. i just wanted to apologize to all the avid readers.

i will try my best to update but due to personal reasons- it may be kind of difficult. i will tru my best to end this book soon (not sure when)  and focus my time on june bug. i may update june bug sometime this week so please keep an eye out for that.

once again!

leave your insta or line id here if you want to make a gc chat with me where we can discuss my updates/books/thoughts/advice for all of you guys when you write!! hope everyone can join- i swear i'm not scary!