Forever

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I always asked myself, what happens next? That was the question that rang through my head as I listened to Billie Eilish 'when the party's over'. The rain poured down outside and uncountable drops rolled down my window sill. It was a few hours to my bachelorette. I guess it was now dawning on me what was happening. In a few days, probably a week, I'll be called 'Mrs. Xavier McCarthy.' A title I never would have earned on my own in a thousand years. Once again, without a thought, I was putting my heart on the line. Just that this time, I have a fair idea why I want to do this. For my father. For my mother's health. For my sister's education. Now, looking pass all that,  my feelings for Xavier added to the list. 

I'd never embraced what happened with all the guys I ever dated. From Marco, to Dylan to Derek. Three guys that made me believe I was in love. Three guys that made me believe they were what I needed. Yet, here I was making the same decision, on different conditions. 

I sighed and took a long drink of the hot chocolate I prepared earlier. Thinking of it, I barely knew Xavier. Except his family, which everyone could find out about on the internet. I couldn't shake of the feeling that if I leave this marriage scarred, there's no way I'm ever going to heal.

One thing I was sure of was Xavier being a good man. I only prayed to make a good wife. Now that I thought of it once more, what really was the contract about?

Once we get married, Simone is going to keep trying, but her parents will know that it is the dead end. They're going to make her try other tactics. The sad part is, they are going to succeed. Which means, our sham of a marriage wouldn't need a year. A month would be enough. Unless, Xavier wants this as much as I do. Unless, he wants to take the leap of faith in marrying a woman he barely knew. If he was up for it, then I guess it's worth risking.

THe shrill sound of my ringtone broke through my thoughts. I looked at the screen, to see 'Derek' boldly written. There was once a time in my life where I'd jump to answer his calls. Now, it was just like those calls you get from teachers who want to tell you that you are failing their class. It rang once more, and once more, I watched it ring away.

Breaking up with Derek was much easier as compared to Dylan. Being in a relationship with Marco was nice, but could never measure up to Dylan. Dylan was my first true love. I guess that was why after he hurt me, after he left me without a word, my break up with Derek couldn't hurt as much. Been there, done that. Till date, I still couldn't understand why he left. There was just a text message, and done. That was it. Those words were enough to keep me in my room for weeks. It made me feel like I did something. I felt guilty for weeks. Then I met Derek, who made me believe it was never my fault. I wonder if it was my fault he spent his time shoving his dick in someone else.

I downed the contents of my cup and ran a hand through my hair. I took a few deep breaths. The doorbell rang, and I was glad my pizza was finally in. I put on a sweatshirt over the sweatpants and shirt I wore. 

Instead of my pizza I oh so craved, Derek stood in front of my door drenched. Despite how much I wanted to shut the door in his face, my mother taught me better than leaving a man in the rain.

I  pulled the door open and allowed him in, shutting it right after him.

"I thought ignoring your calls would give you the message." I switched on the heater, setting it at a temperature to increase the heat in the atmosphere. I walked over to the kitchen to prepare another cup of hot chocolate for myself, and for him as well. Call it good hospitality.

He'd taken off his jacket and settled on one of our wooden dining room chairs. I handed him one cup and sat adjacent him.

"Make it quick, Derek. I have a party to prepare for." I said, then took a sip.