Embracing the Chaos (Eclipse Series #1)

Chapter 29

Is this what my Mom felt when Dad cheated to her before or worst than this deteriorating feeling? Gan'to rin ba kasakit or mas masakit pa rito? The pain was stinging here in my chest, it was unstoppable and unending.

Karma ko ba 'to? For still loving and asking my father to come back with us like nothing had happened after what he did to my mom for my own sake? Because I wasn't considerate to what my mom had felt?

For not considering what my mother had felt and kept on visiting him at Montagè? Kasi.. puro sarili ko lang at ang nararamdaman ko ang iniisip ko? Kasi... selfish akong anak?

Looking back, I just realized how biased and immature I was. I saw her in pain yet... I saw her being wasted, drunk, and crying and worst is begging my dad to comeback with us... yet I chose to ignore everything.

I saw her how she begged for heaven to stop her pain... to begged for answer why my dad had to do that to us. I witnessed it... how she questioned her worth and how her life gone miserably 'cause of my father who's a cheater.

Tama nga sila, you wouldn't know someone's pain and struggle unless you're on their shoes. You cannot fix a shoelaces that aren't yours.

And I chose my anger towards my Mom than understading and considerating her pain.

I hate now that I've come to realized it.

Siguro nga karma ko na 'to.

I want to hug my Mom. I want to say sorry. I want to... fix everything with her. I want to tell her that she was enough and I'm thankful that she raised me all alone without my father.

Why my life sucks like this?

For real? Kung ano ang trauma na meron ako ayon pa talaga ang ibibigay sa akin ng nag-iisang taong iniisip ko na never akong sasaktan? Na never akong pagtataksilan?

Sa pinaghalong pagod, kakulangan sa tulog, sa dami ng iniiisip at nagbabagang sakit sa puso ko, all the thing I want to do is to fucking rest. I want to end everything and this unending pain... I don't want to see his face again.

Namuo ang galit ko, hindi lang kay Axel kundi pati kay Daddy. Sa lahat ng mga cheaters na hindi marunong makuntento. Because staying failthful to your lover is a choice, that's a bare minimum yet other people couldn't do it?

Pikit mata akong nags-scroll sa socmed, kalat na ang video ng make out session ni Axel at nang Bree. Kumalat ang iba't ibang articles sa social media at currently under fire din ang Eclipse dahil sa issue lalong lalo na si Axel.

The management haven't release a statement according to the said controversy... it kept on spreading. They still finding who released the videos of that and make it spread like that.

I want to thank who posted that. Kundi niya pa 'yon pinost 'yong video, hindi ko malalaman? Na may kahalikan na siyang iba habang kami? Na pinagtataksilan niya na ako? Pain rushed through my system, I want to cry but I'm so tired, I felt like draggers stabbing my heart.

Kaya ba absent siya ng araw na 'yon? Nang araw na nangako siya sa akin na susulitin pa namin ang natitirang araw ng pags-stay ko sa La Francè bago ako lumipad ng Paris, France?

Kaya ha bigla na lang siyang nawala at hindi nagparamdam para rito? Kasi busy na siyang makipaglandian sa iba! For fuck's sake! I was so worried about him missing and he was actually there having fun in that bar.

Marami ang nagulat tungkol sa nalaman nila, iba't ibang akusasyon ang nilalaman ng articles na 'yon. Pati comment ng mga fans, non-fans, locals, haters at lahat sila ay nagkakagulo.

As I scroll, may nagsasabing cheating, meron din nagsasabi na ako lang din daw 'yong ka-make out niya at ang iba ay sinasabing hindi raw si Axel 'yon. I scrolled fast as I could so I wouldn't see the screenshots and videos that hasn't turn down yet. The comsec contains of means comments about me... about me.