A Story To Tell

Chapter Thirty-Seven

"That was fast" I say, maybe a bit too harshly because Scott physically backs away from me.
"Sorry, I... I am just concerned about you Katrina."
"Why?" I ask, and I really want to know.
"I do not know." Scott answers right away. "I cannot really describe it honestly... I just feel this pull towards you." He pauses, his brows pull together, as if he is being careful with his words, or trying anyway. "I feel like I was literally born to protect you. I know that sounds absolutely crazy but..." He drops his head, as if not wanting to face my reaction.
"Well, we are in the right place for that I suppose." I say, trying to lighten this moment that I know we both feel the weight of. Scott does not laugh at what I say, he does not even look up. "Look, full confession. I felt a pull towards you when I saw you too. I felt... like I wanted to help you, but like I was scared at the same time. It did not make sense to me either." I admit to him, and this is the most truth I have spoken since I graduated, since the night my world got turned upside-down.
"Maybe...". Scott hesitates... "maybe we are supposed to help each other."
"Maybe."
"You can talk to me Katrina. I would never judge you."
"Look, I am not ready to get into detail. It is just too hard. I will say this, I was not raped... but I was assaulted. I am trying to find my voice and get through this. Which apparently does not mean burning down a shed in the woods... where it happened... and what landed me here."
"Ah." This is all Scott responds. Then he continues, "I am sorry that happened to you Katrina. I am going to state the obvious now and say it was not your fault.  Also, thank you.  Thank you for confiding in me"
"It is the most I have ever spoken about it, and that includes to myself."
"Well then I feel honored that you feel comfortable enough with me to share this much of yourself. I should have known you did something bold."
"Bold?" I laugh. "I am not bold. That would be my friend Alyssa."
"Well, I would love to meet this friend." Scott smiles.
With that I grow quiet. If Alyssa will still be my friend, I think silently. Then I realize something. "Hey..." I say to Scott, "you told me about your mom. You never said why you are here though."
"Oh, right" Scot says, and he grows solemn and serious. He stays quiet for a minute, and I try to remain calm and patient for him to speak again. Every passing second, I swear that the beat of my own heart grows more and more loud, and my skin begins to itch with anticipation. When I feel as if I cannot take it anymore Scott begins to speak again. "I had learned the truth about my mom, and well, my existence. Then I do not know, school and everything, it just all did not seem to matter. It was stressful, but it seemed all meaningless at the same time. I just could not take it anymore, so I tried to end it."
Now my eyes brimmed hot with tears. "How?" I asked. Part of me wanted to take it back as soon as it had escaped my lips, but another part, a bigger part wanted to know. Because even with all that I had been through I just never thought of that as an option. Although, I was far from healthy, and I knew not eating could have the potential to hurt me. I just could never end it in one instant like that. I felt I was too much of a coward. But is taking your own life a kind of a cowardly thing to do in itself? To just give up like that, now my heart ached for the Scott who felt this was his only option. It was a physically painful ache.
Scott did not answer me in words. He held up his left hand, and my hand instantly went to the inch long scar that laid longways down his forearm by his wrist.  Why had I never noticed that before?
"I actually passed out before I got to the other arm.  They said that probably saved my life. Basically, I am such a failure I could not even do this right."
"What!?"  Suddenly, I was mad at Scott. "Do not ever say that! Do you hear me? Scott, you are so brave. I am so glad I met you."
Then Scott did something that shocked the shit out of me. He kissed me.