A Story To Tell

Chapter Thirty-Eight

     When Scott brought his lips to mine my body instantly reacted, as if I had lost total control over my actions.  My head felt dizzy and my mind in a fog. I felt warmth spread throughout my entire body, and I kissed him back hard.  My body melted into his like hot lava. Then just as quickly Scott pulled away.  "Sorry.  Katrina, I am so sorry... I..."  Scott hung his head.  He looked full of regret. I could not stand to be with him for another minute.  It was clear he had regretted kissing me.  I bolted back to the cabin, straight to my room and my bed.
     The next morning, I did not stay in my bed and sulk.  I decided to write my letter to Alyssa.  
Alyssa,
     I am so sorry I have not spoken to you.  I have just not had the nerve.  I could not stand to tell you why I burnt that shed down.  I just hurt so bad.  I will not say who caused the pain and I will not say why.  I just cannot.  Not yet anyway.  I will say that I forgive you for telling on me.  I know you were just concerned for me.  I am not even sorry that I have landed here at this place.  I think it is helping... or it will be the thing to break me.  I feel it could go one way or the other from one minute to the next.  I hope I make it through, and I hope we can still be friends.  Best friends for life.  Sisters.  I miss you.  I wish I could say more.  But I will get there, and I hope you will still be there when I do.
~Katrina
     After I wrote the letter to Alyssa, I felt a slight weight lift off my shoulders.  Perhaps I should mail it to her.  I did miss her.  I tore it out of my notebook and put it on my dresser by my box of envelopes that my mother insisted I bring.  I know she expected a letter from me.  Family therapy was coming up in a couple of days.  I would see her then, so I put off writing her a letter.  However, maybe I could write one to Scott.  Not to give him, but I had to sort out these feelings I was having.  I had felt better after writing my letter to Alyssa, why not a letter to Scott?
     I decided I needed to get out of my room to write him.  I just hoped I did not run into him in the process.  I was not avoiding him exactly, I just needed to gather my thoughts.  This letter may be just the thing that could help with that.  I decided to head to the Rec room.  I slowly made my way to the Rec room, keeping my eye out for Scott.  As I tentatively approached the Rec room, I was relieved to see only two girls who seemed to be occupied.  One of which was the friendly girl who had given me a cigarette the other night, the other I did not recognize.  I smiled at the girl I recognized, who glanced up briefly and I took a seat in the corner of the couch.
     I stared at the blank paper for what felt like hours.  I glanced at the clock.  Fifteen whole minutes had gone by, not hours.  I gritted my teeth, sucked in my breath, and then released the breath as I put pen to paper.
Scott,
     I am at a loss for words.
     This was true I was at a loss for words.  Okay, I told myself, clear your mind and speak from how you feel.  But how the hell do I feel?  I had been on dates with guys before, well hung out with a few anyway, not one of them had ever confused me in this way.  Also, not one of them had I ever cared about or felt they cared about me, not really.  Why did I feel as if I cared about this guy?  This guy, who had pushed me away not once, but twice now.  This guy, who did not seem to 'want only one thing'. He who had shared some shocking things about his past, and he did not once judge when I had shared my own demons of the past.  The boy with the hat that shaded his jade green eyes.  Eyes that seemed to see right to my very soul before either of us had spoken a word to each other.  What was it about Scott Eady that had my thoughts spinning? What was it about him that made me feel this way?