A Story To Tell

Chapter Forty-Two

     The next day I wake with blurred memories of my dream and Nia's confession.  Though her experience was a bit different than mine I somehow felt not so alone anymore.  I had even learned that Kelly was assaulted as well, though if I am honest, I suspected as much by the way she reacted to me.  No one can read the signs that well unless they have been through it.
     My mind then drifted to Scott.  I had not seen or talked to him in two days.  Things felt so unresolved in every aspect of my life right now.  In just a few short hours after lunch today I would have my group therapy.  My first one ever, and to say I was nervous was a tremendous understatement.
I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. As I walked around, I spotted Scott. He sat at our bench, his head lowered as his hair fell slightly in his face, writing. I swallowed down the lump that was beginning to form in my throat and walked over. "Hey."
Scott looked up from his writing. "Hello Katrina." He said this in a low tone. He looked nervous.  Perhaps afraid his words may send me off running once again. Little did he know however, I felt about as nervous as he looked.  I swallowed my nerves and sat down next to Scott with determination.  I could not lose his friendship.  He had become too important in the short time that I had known him.  Everything between us was all so unresolved, and I would not give up without a fight, or at least some answers.
     "Why don't you like me?"  I blurted out what was in my heart before my head had a chance to stop it. "What I mean to say is, why are you not interested in me the way that I am into you?" I had no idea where I was getting the nerve to ask such a thing. Before coming here, before meeting Scott, I would not even care about such a thing. But it nagged at me, and I needed answers. I could not ask my father why he never knew me. I could not ask Grant why he would hurt me the way he did. Scott however, he sat before me, and I could ask him. So, I seized the moment. At this point, what did I really have to lose?
     "Fancy a walk?"  Scott asked.  I hesitated.  "Come on then, I have found a new place I want to show you."  How could I resist that accent and those eyes? I got up and followed Scott.  He led me to the building next to ours and around the side.  As we rounded the corner the fresh scent of laundry hit my nose.  Scott led me in a doorway, where sure enough five washers and five dryers lined the wall.  A couple of the washers spun around filling the room with a lovely scent.  The scent reminded me of home, making my heart ache to be there again.
     Scott walked past the washers and dryers to another door.  This door led to another room, inside was a couch and a table with a dusty magazine on top.  "Is this where you have been?  The reason I have not seen you for two days?"
     "You have not seen me because I have been a coward Katrina, too scared to face you.  But yes, this is where I have been.  It is a good thinking spot actually."
     "Are you scared of me?"  I sat on the couch and Scott did the same.
     "You are so strong Katrina.  I have never met anyone like you.  You go for what you want, you are not a coward like me.  So yes, I find it a little scary.  But it is so much more than that. I am afraid of these feelings I am having for you. It is unlike anything I have felt before."  I sat listening to Scott in shock.  "Katrina, I have not been able to stop thinking about you since you walked into that building the first day.  I spotted you as soon as you walked in, wishing I could disappear, embarrassed by my mom.  Then when you looked into my eyes, that was it.  I knew I wanted to get to know you."
     "To be friends?" I asked, hesitantly taking my eyes off of my own hands folded in my lap where they had been to meet his brilliant green eyes.
      "I do not think friends feel this way."  Scott says this, as he reaches out a hand to caress my cheek.  Automatically my eyes close and I let my face mold into his hand.
     "Then why did you deny me... twice?"
     "I told you.  I am a coward.  When I really thought about it, I realized what I am most scared of, thinking about it these past two days have taught me that."
     "What is that?"  I ask, my own eyes never leaving Scott's.
      "I am most scared of the way I feel when I am not around you.  Katrina, I do not want to be apart from you.  I do not think I can bare it.  It is so scary for me to think of being with someone. I ran from it my whole life, avoided it at all costs. However, to think of being apart from you Katrina, it quite literally makes me feel as though I cannot breathe at the mere thought."
     At these words I push my hands into Scott's hair, bringing his lips to mine.  His confession is so raw and pure, it sparks something deep inside me. Something that I never knew could exist, least of all for me. A fire has ignited in me burning from deep inside, flames dance upon my skin, burning and sparking all around me. This time, Scott does not pull away.