Sanders Sides Oneshots 🍂

Get It Patton! 🌹 Platonic LAMPDR

TW: Food Mention, Innuendos, Cursing, Dick Joke, Surgery Mention, Trans (FTM) Patton

*Loud cackling* I wrote this for the sake of a dick joke :p

Have fun with this one Draqqy. I know they aren't cannon but uh, it's what I could make up on short notice.

*~*

The six of them were an interesting mix to say the least. They had a queer college professor, a pansexual actor, a transgender baker, an asexual pyromaniac, a genderfluid lawyer, and a aromantic therapist. They thought it was funny; an unlikely group that met in a small bakery.

*~*

Technically Logan and Patton already knew each other, Logan being a regular at Patton's bakery. The same went for Remus and Janus who met through a court case; Remus swears up and down he didn't set the dumpster on fire. And of course Roman was Remus' brother.

The first time all six managed to meet was at Patton's bakery. Virgil had showed up for cookies, Roman was with Remus to get a cake for their baby brother's birthday, Janus was there to talk to the owner, and Logan just wanted coffee.

Janus started talking to Remus who joked about Roman who was offended who was then backed up by Virgil who was talking to Patton only to have the five of them hushed by an exhausted Logan. Patton made a few jokes and comments so the five of them stuck around to talk- even Janus who had to wait for the owner to show.

*~*

"All I'm saying is that theoretically you could fit a racoon up your a-" Roman placed his hand over Remus' mouth, getting a laugh out of Virgil. Roman suddenly pulled his hand away with a grossed out expression.

"Did you just lick me?"

"Do you want me to do it again- ow! I'm gonna tell mom!"

"You two act like children," Janus chuckled out. Logan started up conversion with Remus and Janus. Roman, Virgil, and Patton started talking about such and such until a small fact reached their ears.

"Did you know the first ever video of octopi having sex was homosexual? Basically what I'm saying is that octopi know what's up." The entire shop broke into uncontrollable giggles after that. Overall it was a great time, even if it was short. Janus proposed that they should exchange numbers and thus, here we are in their friendship.

*~* Shitty pacing/transition but I got this- *~*

Octodaddy: do u want to meet up @ Patton's shop or the cafe down the street

BookSmartass: I'm pretty sure we decided on Ben & Jerry's.

RomanTicizeMe: just check in with pat, he had the idea

MyChemicalImbalence: Guys chill, he's busy with the lunch rush, don't forget he works a coffee shop

RomanTicizeMe: oh hush emo :p

HissHissBitch: Can you guys chill? I'm working on a case.

MyChemicalImbalence: Shut up nerd

Octodaddy: ^what he said

HissHissBitch: Remus, this is your case for that speeding ticket.

Octodaddy: oh yeah that

PattonCake: Hey yeah we're going to Ben&Jerry's.

MyChemicalImbalence: Dad!

Octodaddy: dad

RomanTicizeMe: dad!

HissHissBitch: Hi Patton.