The CEO

Agony

Levi

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why did I just blurt out whatever came to my mind, without thinking about it first?

Eren hates me, is what I repeatedly thought.

The couch shifted under me as I slowly got up to take a shower. I felt filthy. I couldn't remember how I left that party hall, except for bits and pieces, like telling the newly engaged couple that I had to go because of an emergency. I knew they didn't believe me from the look on their faces, but they didn't prod nevertheless. 

And Eren.

The sight of him angrily wiping his face was enough to break me then and there. Why the hell was he crying? It took a violent effort to wear an emotionless mask on my face, which he had surely mistaken for apathy. 

I totally fucked up. 

I'd assumed that Eren had complete trust in me. My loyalty. I was aware of my being extremely selfish and stupid to think that he actually could actually...

"Oh, come on..." I muttered as I robotically took my clothes off, feeling a stabbing pain in my chest. I sighed and got into the shower stall and turned it on, not caring what the temperature was.

On the sink counter, my phone buzzed for the hundredth time. I already knew it was Hanji. Only she could message me so much it would make me fucking snap, and now I assumed she was completely out of her mind.

With worry? Maybe. If I responded to her shit ton of missed calls, she would probably freak out and baby me about my situation. Assuming she had already found out.

And I realized that me and Eren were going to see each other at work.

And work together.

Amidst the pitiful glances thrown my way.

Of course people at the bank knew. We had been causing quite a scene after all. Deep, deep down, I felt a twinge of sadness for Oluo and Petra, seeing that I'd ruined their engagement party.

With a jolt of fear, I remembered Rule #22: No workplace relationships allowed. Someone must have informed the higher-ups, and their old asses wouldn't tolerate our presence anymore.

Eren. He could lose his job. All because of me.

In the middle of cascading freezing cold water, I shouted out in frustration and slammed my fist into the wall. 

If not for Kenny, none of this would've happened.

None of this would've happened if Kenny hadn't blamed me for their deaths. If  he hadn't felt such an intense need for revenge, the desire to destroy me.

If he hadn't seen the way I looked at Eren.

Rage overtook the searing pain in my fingers till it became numb to me. I couldn't feel anything but fiery rage anymore, along with excruciating pain and deep hatred.

I needed Eren so badly. His hurt face, streaked with tears as he turned away from me to go home flashed repeatedly in my head. It was like I'd destroyed him.

And I still couldn't shed one single fucking tear.

It was like my ability to mourn had been snatched from me the day after I'd found my lifeless parents on the floor of my room, every regret in the world expressed in their dead eyes.

Probably the only one who had last seen me cry was the cab driver.

"Argh!!" I turned off the shower and snatched the towel, vigorously rubbing it on my head. I wasn't used to feeling so deeply. This mental torture of lying to the one I lo- the one I held so close to me stabbed me repeatedly in the chest. I would've gladly exchanged it for an actual knife.