!!DISCONTINUED!! Into The Maze - The First Girl - Newt x Reader x Minho

Chapter 29

~Newt's POV~

"Bloody slinthead Newt!!"

I yell as I sit on the ground, staring at the place where Y/N disappeared.

"Why did I have to open my bloody mouth!!"

I wasn't thinking straight; while I was caught up in the moment, the thoughts that have been with me ever since Y/N and I got together had come spilling out. Of course, that wasn't any reason for me to say what I'd said to her, the fact that I had even had those thoughts was reason enough for her to hate me.

I replay her words in my mind 'You won't lose me Newtie, no one can ever take me from you, I'd die before I let that happen, I love you so much'.

I close my eyes tightly trying to stop the tears that are pooling in my eyes. After those words I should have believed her, trusted her, and respected her decision and her reasons for that decision. Instead, I'd let my insecure self take over and push her away, probably making her hate me or at least want to break up with me.

I laugh harshly, "My worrying about her going to Minho probably pushed her into his waiting arms", If she leaves me I know it's my fault I think, and the thought is strangely comforting. I stand up and find my shirt on the ground, seeing it discarded in that fashion tears at my heart, reminding me of what we did. "What we were doing before I ruined it by asking her not to cheat on me with one of my best friends".

I pull my shirt on, and then I remember her arrow, I look around for it and find the silver shaft lying a few meters away. I pick it up and walk through the trees, staring at the dark trunks around me.

I stop, finding myself at the base of Y/N's tree; I stare at it for a second, then start to climb. I reach the top and wedge myself into a V-shaped gap in the branches, leaning back against the trunk I stare up at the stars, watching their slow passage across the sky.

I scratch at the bark absentmindedly with the arrow, then I glance down to see what it is I've created, it's her name. Even when I'm not thinking about her my body gravitates towards her, and I stab the arrow roughly into the tree next to me; then the tears come, pouring down my face in an endless flood.

"Why am I such a bloody idiot??" I scream at the sky, looking desperately for an answer or something to tell me what to do. But nothing comes and I sit there until the tears stop and my head starts to droop. I climb to the ground before I fall asleep, I can't go back to the homestead because then the boys will ask questions, and I really don't want to answer them, the only other place is our hut.

My heart aches, Our hut. Why did I have to ruin everything? I walk to the clearing and stop when I see it, amazed that it still looks so normal. I slowly walk towards it and open the door, and instantly I'm hit with a wave of emotion.

I see the radio standing on the table, and it reminds me of when we danced in the rain and said we loved each other; I see her bow and quiver, and it reminds me of how she risked her life for me in the maze; then my gaze falls on my hoodie and my already torn hear splinters.

How did I let this happen? She's my whole life, and I was so bloody stupid, I pushed her away without even thinking about it!! The knowledge that I can hurt her without thought pulses through my head and my vision blurs as I stare at the hoodie, captivated by the simplicity of an item that carries so much weight in my heart.

I sit on her bed, and her scent fills my head, the smell of pine, freshly turned earth, and grass. I lay down, not bothering to take off my clothes and pull the blanket around me as her scent floods over me. If she breaks up with me I want to remember that smell exactly.