Find me

Chapter 46

Alice

The strained silence that lasts for the longest moments is interrupted by the sound of chatting when everyone gets back from their dinner. The sky outside the window is dark than ever. Both Dorian and I tilt our heads toward the noise. But Dorian had already turned away from the door. Instead, he focuses on my eyes rather than anything.

"You said that..... You love her. What was that?" I ask, trying not to look hurt in front of him.

He let out a heavy sigh and after a short moment of silence, he speaks "I was talking about you" his voice dry "You are the one..... who has always been in my heart" his emotion is so strong that it makes me look away. I can't believe in my ears which they were listening. It must be a dream. Or maybe it's his some new game or something "Edwin must be waiting for you" I tell him and turn away from him.

"I don't care" he snaps. His voice is low, but it rises as bitter hostility towards me grows "Are you freaking kidding me right now? Do you really want me to leave?"

I don't know why he's so offended by my sentence.

"I'm really confused right now," I say, my voice wavering. I bite the inside of my cheek and gnaw at my mouth as I try to steady my tone, to compose myself so that I can muster up coherent sentences. "If we used to be friends then why don't I remember it. Only some blur of memory keeps repeating in my mind. Why is that so?"

"Everything has some reason" he replied.

"I don't believe you" I state quietly, with a soft shake of my head, my eyes drop to the floor and then back to his.

"You know what?" he hisses. His lower lip juts out as his jaw clenched. "I don't care. Think whatever you want about me".

"Think whatever I want?" my eyes narrow into tiny slits as I hold my stare, yet he struggles to hold. He keeps glancing erratically off to the sides, to the floor, to the window. But never back to me. "I think you infuriate me," I say. "I think you're an arrogant jackass who never be nice to me".

He pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes tightly squeezed shut as he takes a few deep breaths. I watch as his chest rises as the air enters his lungs "You've no idea what are you saying". He clenched his fist. I must infuriate him.

"Then make me believe. Tell me everything honestly," I say while directly looking into his eyes.

He took a deep breath and after a pause, he says "Fine".

He asks me to sit and himself sits in front of me. He lingers forward and placed both hands on his thighs as he starts telling me. He told me how we met, we were six years old. We met in my backyard, the same as I saw in my dream. That crying boy is non-other than him. And then he told me how we become friends. He told me every detail that how and where we used to play. I can't believe, he remembers every detail which I don't remember. He told me how I cried for my mother, so, he bought me ice cream to make me stop crying. He knew that chocolate ice cream is my favourite. I lost in his eyes, the way it's gleaming. He looks happy right now. That must be the best part of his life and mine too if I remember that. He laugh when he told me that- I was such a crying baby back then. We spent our whole day with each other. He waited for me to come back from school. When I get back, he and I went for a bicycle ride. When we were 12 years. He came to my balcony at night and then we went to see the stars. We made the imaginary drawing on the sky from joining the stars together. But every time I end up sleeping there. And he took me to my room every time.

I kept silent, only listening to him. The way he's smiling right now makes me wonder who is the real Dorian. The one whom I'm watching right now or the one who always behaves like a jerk. He looks up at me and I blinked. His eyes are soft now, offering a true glimpse of what he's about to anyone willing to look.

He's vulnerable and I'm completely right. It's all an act, a role he's trying to play. The crude comment on me. They are fake. It's all fake. There is more to him. Like a week ago with the cat. He wasn't badass then, and he wasn't badass when he was joking with his friends. I don't know why it hasn't hit me until this moment.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, wondering my long moment's silence.

"Nothing," I say and grin at him.

Beneath all these whatever happened till now, there is something very strong which pulls us together and we end up like this.

Dorian likes me and I like him too.

The realization makes my heart skip a beat, my blood running cold as I lift my eyes to his again. It's like I'm seeing him for the first time all over again, and now I can study him in a new light. His eyes are mesmerizing, his perfect smile. Not only that but there are also so many things about him that I'm dying to find out. I need to know who he really is, not who he wants me to think he is.

"Why don't you tell me these before? Why did you always run away from me and everything?" I ask.

He swallowed "Because I was COWARD" he states "I was running away from reality". He looked outside the window and then back again at me "But not anymore. I'm sorry for everything". He glanced down at the ground, looking like he was really feeling guilty for everything.

"Stop apologizing" I demand. "Don't regret anything".

When he glanced up from the ground, his eyes locked with mine like he was studying me. and I don't look away. I don't want to. I want to study him too. "You're still the same," he tells me. "who always forgives my every mistake".

His every word gave me a sudden urge to kiss him again. But I control myself. I love the way his lips move when he talks, love the way his eyes study mine.

My thought break when someone knocks on my door "Hey, Alice. Are you okay? I haven't seen you at dinner". It's Laura. And I practically jump from my chair when I heard her. I feel my dry throat. What if she found that Dorian is here, in my room. Shit. What do I do now?

"Yeah, I'm....... I'm fine," I tell her.

I hurl myself and process what to do next. Should I open the door? No, bad idea.

He grabs my arm, this time gently "Easy" he says and then grins at me, looking like he's making fun of me. "Don't be nervous".

"Okay....... then could you open your door" Laura yelled back.

"NO" I quickly say. And he chuckled. Great. So, he's enjoying it. But I ignore him. Suddenly his feet appeared next to mine, and my breath hitched as I realize how close he is "Let me handle this". I can feel his breathing on me.

I blinked. He lingers forward I thought he was going to pull me into a hug. Instead, he opened the door behind me. Wow, so that was his plan.

I scuff and glare at him in surprise. I want to shout at him for his great help. I used my hand to hide my face from her. She was about to speak something but pause when she saw him. I can see her rapid blinking as she glanced up at me and then at him and again back at me. But she didn't say anything. Utter surprise dominates her expression. Her widened eyes meet my gaze and she bites down her lower lip, then she turned to him "Uhh..... well.....Hello Dorian. I never expect you here" she says and arches her eyebrows at me as she can't decide what is going on here.

"Hey" he replied and then walk away without even glancing back at me. Wow. He left me alone to deal with the mess which actually he created.

She crosses her arm as she glare at me with a look- Tell me what the hell is going on.