Aurora Cycle One-Shots and Random Musical Interludes

Deleted Scenes: Pretending to be Happy

(A discussion between Scarlett and Zila in regards to mental health and losing Cat. TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSION AND GRIEF AND ADULT LANGUAGE)

PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT A DOCTOR OR MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. I am just a person who has depression, anxiety, AD/HD, gorgeous hair, a poor sense of comedic timing.... what was I talking about? Who are you??

Heyyyy guys, so this is a small change of pace, isn't it?

I had this idea today, and it's based on real life so please let me know if I portrayed something in a way that offends or upsets anyone. I can only portray my own experiences when it comes to this sort of thing; everyone is different in how they feel, approach, and manage their mental health.

*This deleted scene takes place after Kal and Auri have spent maybe an hour or two in the Echo whilst aboard the Zero. Meaning that the crew has some downtime.*

Scarlet

I'm in the middle of a discussion with Ty about Auri and our current status when I realise that I'm not okay. I'm anxious to get out of this conversation, and I feel like there are chills running up and down my arms. But I don't have anywhere that I particularly need to be. I just need to be... alone, I guess.

I tactfully make some excuse to Ty about needing to do some beauty routine and leave the control room of the Zero, heading down the hallway to my bedroom. I pass Auri's room, the door wide open to show the unlikely lovebirds laying side by side on top of the bedsheets, lost somewhere in the Echo and talking to an ancient, long-dead race about her superpowers. Zila sits across from them, taking readings with her scanner.

Strangely, I find myself doing a headcount of our squad to figure out where everyone is. I purposely keep my head forward, my eyes trained down to my feet or to the floor in front of me, to avoid making eye contact with anyone. But I note where they are in the ship.

Ty in the control room.

Auri, Kal, and Zila in Auri's bedroom.

Fin in his room, probably repairing his suit and enjoying some zero-G.

Good. No one to ask me what I'm doing. No one to try and follow me, or strike up a friendly conversation with me. I don't want to have to pretend anymore. I turn into my room and close the door calmly, making as little noise as possible when the latch closes. I turn the lock, dim my lights, and sit down at the end of my beautifully made bed. Elbows on my knees, I hold my head in my hands and stare at the carpet on the floor. When the tears inevitably come, I watch as they drip off of my nose and fall onto the carpet, making small, dark circles in the woven fibres. I watch where they group together, where they separate. Where some of them fall to make bigger, darker circles, and splash to spray their surroundings with tiny specks of water, like a smattering of stars with a moon looming in the foreground.

I know I'm crying, which must show that I'm sad. But truth be told, I can't feel anything at all.

Tyler

"It's been three hours, and nobody's heard anything from Scar?" I say quietly to Zila and Fin who are seated around me in the command room. Fin's brow is furrowed, mirroring my own look of concern. Zila's face is calm as always, but her eyes are attentive and she is taking little notes on her uniglass, showing me that she cares.

Scar was supposed to be taking over watch right about now, and I've never known her to take a nap in the middle of the day in both of our combined lives. I knew her makeup excuse was bullshit, but I thought that maybe she was going to "talk" to Fin somewhere private and didn't want me poking my head in. She's always checking up on people like that, but it struck me then that nobody's been checking up on her.