They Never Said It Would Be Easy

May 4, 2019

It's Saturday, the first day of my weekend. I find myself needing to get out of the apartment and away from everyone and everything, just for a bit. Work has been crazy with tons of manuscripts being sent in and reviewed. Morgan and Casey have had Connor and Eli over most nights, leaving me as the fifth wheel. I don't mind, I love Connor and Eli, but it is starting to get to me that I'm the odd one out. 

As I walk down the sidewalk, off to who knows where, I am constantly checking my phone, even though I have my ringer on full volume. I have just finished writing a rough draft of my first book and I've sent it out to tons of publishers. It has been a few weeks and I am hoping to finally hear back from at least one. Even if they turn it down, I will be grateful knowing that I tried and that I can make edits to improve it, hopefully landing me a deal in the future. 

My phone pings and I immediately take my eyes off of the sidewalk in front of me.

New text message: Mom

Great. I thought this might be it. I love you mom, but you just got my hopes up. 

Mom: I love you! I hope you're having a great day! Lunch soon?

As much as I want to push any message or call aside that isn't from a publisher right now, I know I need to respond to my mom. It has been a few weeks since we last saw each other and I need to remind myself to see her more often.

Me: I love you too! Are you free next weekend?

I'm about to hit send when I slam into what feels like a brick wall and I fall to the ground.

I rummage around to gather all of my belongings that just crashed to the floor. "I'm so sorry. I was just- never mind. I need to watch where I'm g-"

"Hi G," he says. His voice is all too familiar. I look up and see Brooks first the first time in months. 

"Brooks," I say, almost whisper. I'm in shock. In disbelief. He is really here. And he looks... happy? Almost?

"Let me help you up," he says as he grabs my arm and lift me up from the ground. 

It's still there. That feeling I used to get when he touched me. The feeling I have been longing for, but have almost forgotten. I wonder if he feels it too. 

Once I gain my composure I voice exactly what is on my mind. I've been working on that for a while now. "You look good Brooks. You seem happy."

"I am. It has taken a while, but I'm getting there," he says, looking me up and down like he's making sure it's really me. 

"Well, I'm glad." It's all I can manage to say. I want to say more, admit that no matter how hard I have tried, I can't seem to forget about him, make these feelings go away, move on. But I know better. He is finally happy again. I can't insert myself into his life and ruin it. 

"See you around?" he says, waiting for my answer. 

"Of course," I respond with slight disappointment in my voice. "Maybe another game night at the apartment soon."

"I'm sure we will work something out."

We don't hug. We don't even shake hands. We don't touch at all. We both go on our way, as if the encounter never happened. 

As I continue walking, I can't help but turn around and look at him one last time. He's turning the corner, down a new road, officially done with what was left of ours. I miss his dark hair, his piercing green eyes. I miss the way he inserted himself into my life, whether I liked it or not. Because eventually I did. I loved it. But more than anything, I miss the way he made me feel. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. Like I was important, not just to him, but to all of Los Angeles. No, bigger than that. To the whole world. He understood me like no one else. He cared about me and my passions. He wanted nothing more than for me to get out of my comfort zone and excel with my writing. He wanted me to be happy.