Rainy days

A walk down the memory lane

Rana's POV

As we stood in the waiting room hundreds of questions ran in my mind. Is my doll alright, is she taking medicine for her panic attacks, will my doll ever forgive me. Will she agree to come back with me, how will I ever earn back her trust....so on and so forth. I came to know that the old guy Franco was her boss, the cafe's owner. And he really seemed to really care about my doll a lot... "My doll" was she really mine now.. will she ever be mine again. When she was madly in love with me, I completely avoided her and treated her like a slave, I broke her completely.. destroyed her self worth.. called her a slut and abused her mentally and physically. And worst of all I was the reason behind the death of our unborn child.. I even claimed in-front of everyone that the baby wasn't mine, I had extra marital affairs with other ladies, I told most people that she was my maid.. and at last I abandoned her when she needed me the most..

How could she forgive me when I myself couldn't forgive me. For the past 1 year I kept hating myself and questioning my behavior towards my doll and in the past 6 months I started punishing myself for all my past deeds.. But it was nothing compared to what I had done to her. A part of me wants her to forgive me and the other part wants her to hate me and punish me for the rest of my life.. But I really want her back in my life even if she decides to punish me from this day on.. I know I am being very selfish here coz I know I won't be able to survive without her. I don't deserve her at all but I don't think I am ready to let go of her..

While we stood in the waiting room a couple just walked out of one of the consultation rooms . The girl was pregnant and the guy was holding her bag in one hand while he held her protectively with the other. And as I saw this I took a walk down the memory lane...

Flashback...

Ragini was pregnant and was halfway through her second trimester.. As usual I had drowned myself in work and locked myself in my library. I heard a small knock and shouted come in.. as I looked up I saw her.. smiling at me.. she always smiled through everything... her bump was visible now.. " hi Rana.. Shall I get you something to eat or at least a coffee it's almost noon and you haven't even had your breakfast yet" she asked me timidly. " Stop acting and get lost you whore.. bloody gold digger. How many times have I told you to not come in my vicinity" I screamed at her and watched her flinch at my harsh words.. her eyers teared up but she suppressed it, smiled again and said " Rana you can shout all you want but both of us know you don't actually mean it." I was surprised by what she said but I covered it up quickly and looked at her with disgust. I knew she was hurt and that's exactly what I wanted. But she covered it all up smiled and said cheerfully " Rana I wanted to ask you something, I have my doctors appointment today and she told me to bring you along this time. She told me she wants to meet you personally and speak to you regarding the pregnancy. But you don't have to worry about it I don't think it's anything serious. Both me and the baby are perfectly fine ". Her smiled widened when she mentioned the baby. I looked at her and shouted " how can you even imagine I will come with you.. you whore, I am sure the baby isn't even mine. I don't even care if you and the baby die during this pregnancy. Now get lost .. and don't you dare take the car with you. I am not going to bear the expense of someone else's baby." Ragini looked at me in shock .. pain was evident on her face. She staggered a bit and a small wimpier escaped her mouth , her eyes started tearing. But she bit back a sob and smiled at me again and said " don't worry I will walk.. I anyways needed a bit of exercise. I have made lunch and kept it in the kitchen please do have it on time.. don't take your anger out on the food. Love you, I will be back before evening." I watched her walk out of my study... I knew I was too harsh on her and at times I hated myself for that.. guilt was slowly eating me up. But I convinced myself that she deserved it.

It was already 8:30 pm now and Ragini had still not returned, it was raining heavily outside. I hated to admit it but i was actually getting scared and concerned for Ragini. I tried calling her mobile but it was not reachable, I didn't know what to do and I was going nuts with worry. By 9:00 pm I decided I done enough waiting and decided to go looking for her myself as I got dressed and ran out grabbing my car keys I heard the front door opening. I ran down and met a fully drenched Ragini who looked really pale and emotionless. "Where the hell were you, what took you so long. Cant you call up and inform me if you are gonna be late, this is not a hotel for you to come and go as you please .. this is a house.. my house .. and if you wanna live here you have to follow my rules. And why the hell are you drenched.. couldn't you get a cab if it was raining." She looked stunned as she stared at me open mouthed while I bombarded her with questions. And at last when I stopped she smiled again and said " I had gone to the park after the doctors appointment and lost track of time. By the time I realized how late it was it had already started raining, I couldn't find any cabs and my mobile was also dead by then. I couldn't walk fast as the roads were slippery and I was scared I would fall and hurt our baby." She started walking in looked back at me and said " and the baby is doing fine and there aren't any complications". Her smile wavered a bit when she said that but I ignored it.. but back then i didn't know it will end up being one of the biggest regrets of my life.