Oceans Hiro Hamada x reader

Chapter 9 ~ Reactions Happen

TRIGGER WARNING

Y/N's POV
I continued running to the labs. I threw open the door to the building and ran inside, tears still falling down my cheeks.
Don't let anyone see you
I made it to my lab and rushed to open it. I struggled getting my key in with my shakey hands. I continued struggling with my door as I started to sob between my coughs.
I finally got my key in and opened my door and slamming it shut behind me. I leaned back against it and slid down, burying my face into my knees, finally starting to sob.
The swarm of emotions I was feeling was too much for me.
Realistically I knew I should've gone to the nurse because of my lungs, but I couldn't be in front of anyone.
I ran my hands up to my hair and pulled at it, starting to hyperventilate. Strands were being pulled out and I threw them to the side of me, unfazed by it.
A new emotion started taking over.
Rage.
I was so angry at myself for letting another close person die.
Angry at Tadashi for being so damn selfless to the point where it got him killed.
Angry that I ran away from Hiro when he was obviously upset.
I clenched my fists in my already tangling hair. I felt hysterical as I was consumed by so many emotions at once.
I started to laugh.
I tucked my face into my knees and coughed between my broken laughs. More blood splattered out my mouth but I didn't even notice.
I stood up suddenly and walked over to my desk and ran my arms across it, throwing my things everywhere.
Stupid!
How could I be so stupid?!
I grunted and continued my coughs as I trashed everything. I walked over to my other desk and threw everything off of that one as well.
I grabbed my mask and chucked it across my room. It bounced off the wall and fell into my water tank.
I'm so stupid!
I slammed my hands into my desk, the burning feeling running up my arms. I suddenly craved the feeling even more.
I picked up the sleeve I had been working on and chucked it across my room. It knocked some decorations off my wall, including some pictures.
I coughed up more ashy blood and I dragged my hand on my face, enjoying the feeling of being coated in my blood.
I clenched my fists and started punching anything I could. My walls got it first. I could feel my hands cracking but I ignored it as I repeatedly hit one area on the wall, denting it more and more until I broke through the wall.
I retracted my fist.
It's not enough
I deserve this
I swung my arms back, knocking some glass off my desk and sending my chair backwards.
I could feel my hands bleeding slightly and I looked at this inspirational poster on my wall.
I tore it down and ripped it to shreds.
Life is shit
I was a fool for seeing the positive
Every time something good happens, something even worse will follow
I coughed again, blood filling my mouth.
I spat it to the side and allowed the metallic flavor to take over my mouth.
I sobbed profusely and slightly laughed.
It was terrifying, I felt like I was going insane.
The things death can do to people.
I slammed my hands into my wall again, dragging my nails down it as I continued to hit it repeatedly.
I'm such an idiot!
I even make water tech!
And I couldn't do anything!
I looked at my reflection in this mirror and couldn't stand the sight of myself.
I threw a hard punch at it, shattering the mirror and knocking it down off the wall.
I stomped on it and continued to break it even more.
Blood trickled down my hand, which was now cut up. It soaked into my sweater and I smeared the blood on my face.
I held myself and sobbed loudly, filling the momentarily silent room.
I clutched my shakey hands around myself and coughed up more ash.
I dropped to my knees and started having a violent coughing fit.
I should probably get checked out
After I finished coughing up my lungs I stood up and saw my reflection in the window.
I walked up to it.
"What are you looking at bitch." I spoke before sending my other fist through the window.
It shattered and glass pinged all over the floor and I retracted my arm.
There were gashes up to my shoulder and glass shards were sticking out of it.
I started to laugh again, holding my head while I did so. I dropped to my knees, surrounded by my stuff everywhere and hysterically laughed.
I'm such a piece of shit!
I slammed my head into the ground, hitting some glass debris. I felt my forehead gash and I stood up, walking over to a wall.
Before I could process anything I slammed my head into the wall as hard as I possibly could. I felt the blood splatter and the wall break from the impact.
I slide down the wall, my head not leaving contact until I was on my knees.
I gently crawled away from the wall, noticing the blood I had smeared down it.
That's...probably not good
I curled up on the ground in my now damaged outfit, bleeding from several places. I sobbed uncontrollably and still coughed.
"I-I'm Sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." I muttered over and over to myself.
I gently pulled my phone out. It now had a shattered screen from my outbursts but I ignored it. I unlocked it and opened a picture of me and Tadashi.
I saw I had a text message from Honeylemon and saw it was sent a while ago. I opened it to see the picture of us all before Hiro's presentation.
The tears still hadn't stopped streaming. But if it was even possible, I cried even harder.
I laid numbly on the floor, tears in a constant stream down my cheeks.
I got a text message.

Mei: I heard what happened
Mei: Are you ok?

I left her on read and turned my phone off.
About a minute passed before I heard my phone buzz.

Incoming call: Mei

I declined the call and sent her to voicemail. I heard it buzz again, but a text message this time.

Mei: That's it.
Mei: I'm coming over
Mei: I won't bring Risa because I know you don't like too many people
Mei: I'm on my way

I sighed and threw my phone across the room, hearing it land and slide over the glass on my floor.
I don't want to deal with this right now
I felt my forehead still bleeding, as well as my entire left arm and right hand. I coughed again as I felt my face soak with the small puddle from my tears.
I sighed and stared off into nothingness.