The Truth Death Brings

A Realization

JJ'S pov

We had no idea what to do so I looked up fun things to do. I saw the Fair was in town. I suggested that. Emily looked excited. She loves fairs and carnivals or anywhere with food and rides. We got dressed and I drove us to the fair.

The fair was downtown. It was quite busy. The first thing we did was eat. Yes it was 10 am but that doesn't mean we can't eat cheese curds and cotton candy. After we ate we rode rides and later games the entire day.

The first one we went on was the Thunder bolt you go  forward and backward in a circle super fast. That one was my favorite. We rode roller coasters and I found out that Em is afraid of heights. Every time we got to the top of the coaster she would scream and cling onto me. I thought it was cute. I laughed every time she did it.

There is this one game where we had to spray water into a target to win. When we tried the game instead of actually playing she squirted me. I was soaked. Luckily it was warm out.

She said" that is what you get for laughing at my fear of heights."

I said" not fair." We laughed it off. But for some reason she wouldn't look me in the eyes. Thinking about it she hadn't for a long time. I love it when she looks me in the eyes.

Emily's pov

After I sprayed her she looked at me with anger. Not real anger but still anger. She is adorable when she is angry. That's why i couldn't look her in the eyes if I did I would just smile like an idiot.

I mean how could I look her in the eyes and not just stare at her. She's perfect. She is everything to me. Everyone says I am a badass. No, she is the badass. Every time I hear her laugh I smile. But she is the most stubborn person I know.

I know jj, she wouldn't let me get the last laugh. So I was confused when we left the fair and she didn't get back at me I was suspicious. We were going to watch the new captain America movie. When I opened my door to my apartment my mouth dropped. There was a singing churro throwing churros at me. A damn churro was in my apartment. JJ was histericly laughing behind me. That was what I was waiting for.

I collected the churros  from the ground and brought them over to JJ's apartment. If I am being honest I don't think I ever watched the movie. I stared at JJ the whole time. She was wearing a blue  tank top and Nike shorts. Her hair was in a messy bun.

After the movie JJ looked extremely tired she rolled herself up in a burrito with my blanket. I didn't want to wake her so I put a pillow under her head and I went to my bedroom. I called hotch to ask if there was anything the team needed. He said no so I went to bed.

JJ's pov

It was 2 am. I woke up and I was in Emily's apartment. I sat there on the couch and thought about yesterday. I smiled at the memory. It made me feel joy. And something that will and I never shared. It was pure joy. Not forced. This is the moment I realized something that would change my life forever. Something that made my heart race. Something I never thought would happen. I loved Emily Prentiss. Not just loved, I was in love with Emily Prentiss. Gods gift to women. But she had that one girl that she was head over heels in love with. The brave, smart, beautiful blonde girl.

God how could I be in love with my best friend. That is the thing that ends friendships. But I mean she is perfect. Her skin is olive she is slightly taller than me maybe 5'10. Her eyes are rich brown like the look of freshly turned earth after the rain. She may not smile much but when she does it is warm. Her hands are soft. Her hugs are tight and comforting. She is always there when you need her. Now it really kills me that she loves that woman.

I went back to my room and sat there and pondered my realization. How could I tell Emily. When would I tell Emily. I mean it's not like I suddenly love her. I have always loved her but I was too blind to see it. God why was I  so blind to it. Ever since Will I have wanted to find someone to show me that there is love and goodness in the world. And Emily was that person. She showed me goodness and love was real.

Then the big realization hit me. I was not straight. Thinking about all of my boyfriends made me realize I never loved them the way I love Emily. God what will my mom think. She is a hardcore catholic. My dad as well. What will the team think. I mean they except Emily but 2 gay agents. Lord  I really am oblivious.

I didn't sleep that night. I lied awake the entire night just thinking. My mind wouldn't stop it went 100 miles an hour. I thought of ever time I was "showing" the gay. There was so many. Like one time in soccer practice I tore my ACL so I was on the sidelines. The entire game I just stared at the girls on the other team wishing to be them. The reality was I wanted to be with them not be them.

                   True story btw