Trying Not To Love You

Part Fifty Nine

Chapter Fifty Nine

Sonny looked out at the glorious Mediterranean Sea from behind his designer shades, bought for less than ten Euro that morning. It wasn’t hot enough to sun bathe, but warm enough to wear shorts, not that he had more than the single pair he wore, and it was definitely warm enough to sit outside a beachside bar and watch the world go by. Johnny had been here since leaving the country, his sister already lived here, and it was the obvious choice for Sonny when he needed space and distance. Johnny’s sister had quite openly offered for him to stay with them as long as he wanted, but he knew he couldn’t stay too long.

He reached for the bottle of beer that seemed to be permanently sat in front of him. Not that it helped. Spain was amazing, he loved the warmth, the laid back ways, he’d never had a holiday, not like this, though miraculously he had a passport, the first guy he’d worked for had needed him to go to France, and Ireland, places that needed ID, so the passport was arranged. That worked in his favour now; he was able to at least have a beautiful environment to rue all that had happened.

He’d spent most of the last four days in a drunken stupor. But the pain and confusion was there as soon as he opened his eyes, but a hangover made it all the more distressing.

                “Thought I’d find you here.”

He looked up to see Michelle; Johnny’s sister stood looking at him, “where else?”

She pulled out the chair opposite, and dropped into it, placing her pile of fliers on the table. She worked in a local nightclub and spent the day pulling in the punters with promises of two for one drinks. She’d got Johnny a job there too; he was planning to stay indefinitely.

                “So are you going to pull yourself out of this black hole, or is this the mood for your holiday?”

He laughed, “holiday? Nah, this is a bolt hole.”

                “You’re escaping, you keep telling me, but you don’t say why.”

He knew that she knew nothing about the role he and Johnny had played in bringing Scott to his early demise, and he wasn’t about to drop his friend into the shit. But then this trip was SO far from that.

                “A woman, of course,” he offered.

She gave a knowing sigh, “when is it anything else? A problem shared is a problem halved.”

Sonny glanced at her, “really?” When she shrugged he sighed, “look I’m hardly catch of the century, ex-jailbird who doesn’t have anything to show for thirty years on this planet other than a head full of anger and a bedpost full of anonymous notches.”

She waved to the waiter and ordered herself a beer, before she replied, “if you were just that you wouldn’t be drinking yourself into oblivion every night.” She took the beer when it arrived and handed him one too. “This girl means a lot to you?”

He nodded, “she means everything.”

                “But you’ve left her?”

He slugged at the beer for a moment, “I brought her bad news, leaving her is freeing her to go on and live her life.”

                “Is that what she wants?”

He hated this level of questioning, but he couldn’t back down now, “I don’t know, I just know that there’s a bigger picture. If we stay together then I drag her down, cause her untold pain. Leaving her makes things better for her.”