Trying Not To Love You

Part Forty Four

Chapter Forty Four

Sonny drained his glass, he needed sleep, his head was banging and he felt like shit. Alcohol was doing nothing to help ease the pain of his confusion, in fact a persistent hangover was just making him MORE unsettled. Throwing money down on to the bar to pay for the drinks he’d consumed, he turned to leave just as Martha appeared in front of him. And she both took his breath away and represented all that he feared in equal measures.

                “Hey,” she offered.

He nodded an acknowledgment, barely able to focus, they were in the busy room and her eyes were darting around in what could only be described as an anxious way, anxious at being close to him! “What do you want?”

She started slightly at his aggression, “Carter!” His name was a painful gasp. “SheShe I wanted to check you’re ok.”

He laughed, loudly, instantly gaining attention, “oh really?”

Nodding she reached out to touch his arm, “you walked off last night...I’ve been worried. I missed you.”

The laugh that followed was sardonic, almost nasty, and he glared at her hand where she touched him, “you better watch out, you’re a bit close...everyone can see, hear...I mean people might get the wrong idea. People might talk. How will you live with that?” He wanted to hurt her, and he couldn’t fathom what sort of man that made him.

Despite him snapping at her she wasn’t flinching she knew what he was doing, pushing her away, and she KNEW why. He was in a bad mood, and that was making it difficult for him to control his anger at her.

                “You think you can push me away? Being horrible isn’t enough Carter. Look, I was wrong to compare what we have to what I had with Scott, but until now, these last few months, it’s all that I’d known, I let him get close and he humiliated me. I wanted to protect ME, that was my motivation, it was never to hurt you, I promise. Despite everything you think I’m not embarrassed, and I’m not ashamed.”

He watched the pulse racing at her neck, he could feel the quiver in her hand on his arm, she was terrified. But still he avoided her eyes, her face.

She took a deep breath then murmured for his ears only, “I love you.”

He heard the words, the whispered words he’d waited what seemed like all his life to hear, but he didn’t, no - he COULDN’T believe them. Even now she was being secretive, and talk like bad advice was cheap. Lifting his eyes he tried to avoid her intense gaze, but she touched him again, and he hadn’t expected that. Her hand cupped his cheek, a gentle caress as the other hand reached for his shoulder, then raising up on tip toes she used the upper hand to guide his lips to hers.

For Sonny all the anger immediately left his body. If he’d failed to believe her words, then this action, this was what he needed to prove she was serious. She was scared, he could feel her racing heart through his chest, her lips ignited him, and suddenly he wanted her and the rest of the world to know JUST how he felt about her too. This woman, after all he’d said and done, after pushing her away, hurting her, she was baring her soul, showing her world how she felt about him, she was willing to confront her worst nightmares - becoming the gossip of the town again, purely to please him. And it was the most powerful aphrodisiac. And he needed her to know that he was sorry for his childish behaviour, that he felt the same way.

He responded to her lips, a gentle insistent kiss, his hands coming up to cup her face, cherishing her. After a few moments he pulled back to look at her, eyes closed, oblivious to the faces around them, and everyone was staring, he could feel the eyes boring into him.