Trying Not To Love You

Part Eighty Nine

Chapter Eighty Nine

                “We’re not arguing in front of Ethan,” Martha warned the three adults. “Actually we’re not arguing at all. You three are all I have in the world, and I’m sick of fights, anger...and being alone. Ok? What happened - happened twenty years ago. And whilst it has implications for all of us, SO many implications, we all have to move on. Staying here, having dinner is a sign that you want to be part of this family and you want to move on. Otherwise the chef at the pub is doing a great beef dinner on me go eat there.”

Lucy giggled at that, and was then joined in her amusement by the ‘other woman’, Stephanie.

                “I’m glad you appreciate my humour, but I swear I can control any situation you dare to orchestrate.” Martha stared down the two women and then the three of them laughed; she was no good as a bad cop. Her father looked bemused by it all, but seemed glad that the three were not fighting.

Sitting for dinner Martha encouraged everyone to help themselves to the mountains of food she’d prepared, and as they ate, conversation was kept at a very superficial level. There were far too many elephants in the room to allow for anything else.

Ethan was the first to finish and once excused rushed off to watch the end of Monsters Inc on the TV in the lounge. That left a deafening silence.

                “We owe you an explanation.” Carl offered looking at Lucy.

She shrugged, “you don’t owe me anything.”

Carl shook his head in wonder, “you are a stubborn old cow aren’t you.”

That made Lucy look at him, “THAT is your effort at an apology? Nice one!”

Shaking his head he lay down his cutlery, “I never offered an apology, I offered an explanation. I’m sick of feeling remorseful, I owe you an explanation...the truth, and I owe you my thanks, I couldn’t have brought Martha up without you, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful.”

Both Martha and Stephanie watched this exchange silently.

                “I don’t want anything from you.”

Carl again shook his head, “this is what I mean...you are SO bloody stubborn. Are we ever going to move on?”

Lucy chewed her mouthful of food rather delicately and deliberately and Martha had to stifle a laugh, eventually she turned to Carl, “I asked you for an explanation years ago, you fed me a load of horseshit. So what makes you think that I’ll believe you today?”

Groaning he leaned forward, “ok, I’ve been in denial...”

                “But now that you’re over it you want us all at the same place at the same time?” Her father had the decency to blush and Lucy saw that sign of guilt and dived on it, “I get that you two fell in love, I get that it may not be as damning as I always thought, but the truth of it is she was MY sister, and you two caused what happened, then lied about it. It’s the lying that is the destructive thing. I’ve watched this family hide from the truth for twenty years, all you had to do Carl Sullivan was tell the truth, I honestly believe things would have been different if you had.”

His head had dropped and Martha knew that both he and Stephanie were digesting those words. She was about to intervene, to lighten the mood, but her Aunt hadn’t finished.

                “The fact that I put up with it, ignored the truth too means I’m as much to blame for all this, so I can’t sit and be judge and jury on you both. A truce has been long overdue, and I’m not looking for tearful explanations and apologies, I just want to enjoy my life, with my family...” she looked at Carl and waited until he met her eyes, “and you are part of that.” She turned her eyes to Stephanie, “and if you are part of his life, then I suppose you are too.”