Trying Not To Love You

Part Ninety One

Chapter Ninety One

Sonny had that split second to decide what to do. His head was racing, his heart pounding, and he'd never felt such conflict before. Part of him wanted to get out of there, run and keep running, pretending that the last two months hadn't happened, and a part of him wanted to smash the door down and murder the inhabitants. The old him. The new Martha Modified him, was a different story, but it was still a close call. Michael him being there, involved in some way almost killed him, when would he be able to trust anyone? Pain heaved in his chest at the betrayal.

Then there was Jade...those words echoed in his head, she wasn't pregnant, never was...all this was for nothing? He'd endured weeks of hell; he'd compromised for her on EVERY level. There would be no baby, there would be no future, and he'd given up EVERYTHING for that. He was too stunned to be angry, too shocked to be aggressive, instead in what felt like an out of body experience, he kicked open the door that separated them with a loud thud and was rewarded by two faces, jaws slack with surprise turning to face him.

"Sonny?" Jade tried her usual purr as she stepped towards him, but his face remained icy and his voice deathly quiet.

"Don't touch me." He shrugged free of her attempted grasp. Where he thought he'd shout and scream, again he seemed calm, detached...devastated. "What the hell have you done?"

It was then that she realised he had heard every word, and her eyes immediately displayed her fear at his apparent calmness. He walked closer to the two who looked as guilty as they were. Moving past them he found his phone, where he'd left it on the coffee table, but he didn't stop there, he started to gather anything that looked like it was his. A couple of books, his iPod...he ignored the memory of where that had come from, and then there was his jacket. Everything was bloody Martha, good, innocent, caring Martha, the woman he'd screwed over more times that he could believe. He wanted to lash out, punch someone, but he hated that tears prickled his eyes.

"Sonny, it's not what you think."

That was Michael; snapping out of his melancholy he spun around, "I don't think you have ANY idea what I'm thinking." Michael tried to speak, but Sonny wasn't ready for that. "Don't."

Arms full of stuff, he left the lounge for the bedroom, and Jade ran after him.

"What are you doing?"

He looked up from his position, pulling a holdall from under the bed, the dozen items that represented his thirty years of life tossed on the bed in front of him, "what you think I'm going to stay? After this?" His voice was calm, betraying all the emotion that threatened to burst out of him. Not that he could truly process things, she'd lied, she wasn't pregnant...the baby he'd been planning for didn't exist, he'd given up everything for this whim, and he felt so stupid. And cheated. A couple of months ago he was never going to have the chance to have his own child, and he'd been happy with that, but then Jade had changed that. And he'd bought into it, as hard as the last couple of months had been, he'd been thinking of the future, of a child, his child. And now that was all dragged away from him in one instant with one HUGE lie.

How could he process all that he'd lost?

"I hated every moment of being here, it was only ever for the baby, and now..." He shook his head. Turning back to the job in hand he opened the wardrobe and started to drag his clothes out, folding them badly and tossing them into the bag. He had always lived out of a bag; he had very little material possessions, so this was easy for him, wrapping his life up in a holdall and fleeting off into the sunset. Free.

"Don't go Sonny, I love you." Suddenly his name was a whine, and he hated her.

"Love? What do you know about love? You are a spoilt brat who just wants her on way all the time. I'm, not a dress or a CD, I'm not something you can stamp your feet until you get. I felt sorry for you...I thought at least we understood each other, I cannot believe this." He shook his head, "you lied...you ruined EVERYthing. Do you have any idea what you've done?" It was a battle not to slap her, not to push her out of his face, but he wouldn't do that, he was better than that.