Trying Not To Love You

Part Sixty Seven

Chapter Sixty Seven

The next day was Saturday, and Martha woke early to her phone ringing. It was Paul.

                “My mother has fallen, she’s in hospital. Is there any chance you could look after my kids this morning? I wouldn’t ask but I’m desperate.”

                “Of course. Drop them here for breakfast.”

He sighed, “you are a life saver.”

Half an hour later a car pulled into the yard and the two kids jumped out excitedly, Molly had been to the farm again, but Conor hadn’t. Both were suitably attired in welly boots and waterproof jackets.

She threw open the back door and the two kids burst in depositing their outerwear in the small porch, before joining Ethan at the table where a mound of pancakes sat.

                “Made you a bacon sandwich that you can eat in the car,” Martha handed Paul a foil wrapped parcel. “Look after yourself. Ok?”

                “You are such a good person Martha. I’ll call you in a while?”

She smiled as he rushed back to the car concern for his mother apparent.

When she turned back to the kitchen and the three kids wolfing down pancakes, her eyes met Sonny’s, he was leaning against the doorway watching the morning unfold.

                “You are always looking after everyone Martha. Who looks after you?”

She poured coffee and handed him a mug, “if everyone does their job then I don’t need anyone to look after me.”

He sighed, “it’s not right.”

Two hours later Sonny returned from his run to find Martha and the three kids out in the yard feeding the animals. Carl was up in one of the top fields fixing something with Eamonn, the whole place seemed to be bustling with activity. He slowed to a stop and took the time to stretch as he cooled down. Paul’s oldest boy headed across the field to join Carl, and the two youngest were jumping in muddy puddles when Martha approached.

                “You still going to see Michael?”

He shrugged, “I think you need me here.”

She sighed, “I think you’re putting things off.”

                “Maybe. But I have to be ready.”

Raising an eyebrow she sighed, “life isn’t easy Carter. And this isn’t going away.”

He emerged from the shower feeling a lot better and found the two youngest kids playing with Lego in the lounge. Martha was making lunch.

When she re entered the room, she laughed to see Sonny sat on the sofa, one of the youngsters on each knee reading them a story. It struck a chord in her, seeing him like that. The adoration on the children’s faces was so obvious and she laughed as he read the Gruffalo complete with a dozen different voices.  He’d make such a good father, he had so much love to give, so much unrestrained desire to make things better for other’s than it was for him. She sighed, and she could never have given him that.

The fact that she couldn’t have any more children had never bothered her, the trauma of delivering Ethan and the subsequent infection, pain and disability that she’d suffered afterwards had put her off for life. Or so she thought. She’d always imagined Ethan would be enough, that he was all she needed, and for her he was, but as she looked at Sonny, playing, laughing, she realised what she’d deprive a man of, the chance to be a father, to father a child. How could she contemplate that with someone? Curbing someone’s right to have their own child. Looking at him she knew that was important to him, really important, there were few people who were as desperate for a family as Sonny Carter.